Kisame's First few days at Akatsuki
by TheWindAlchemist
Summary: KISAME FIRST ENTERING AKATSUKI! COMPLETE! CHAPTER 27: BLOOPERS! BTW: My new Story Akatsuki: Attack of the Tobi is here. Check it out!
1. Welcoming Ceremony

**Kisame's First Days at Akatsuki **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. **But you know that right? Right? RIGHT!?!

Chapter One: Welcoming Ceremony Kisame POV

_Ok, just abandoned the Land of the Mist and now am here, my ultimate plan, at Akatsuki, my BEST idea ever… I think… I hope._

My first step into Akatsuki, The Welcoming Ceremony. Who's this dude? He has red eyes… TOTALLY COOL!!!

Itachi's POV

_That's… the new guy ... are those… gills…?WAY creepy… more like weird. Still, pretty good start… maybe, I dunno, frighten a few children, yadda yadda. _

"Well everyone, give him the OFFICIAL Akatsuki Welcoming!"

Normal POV

All of a sudden, everyone in the congregation raised guns and pointed at Kisame. "?" was all he could say before almost getting shot to death by the other members. "NO!! I MEANT THE ONE FOR FRESH MEAT!! NOT ... _them_…" Itachi yelled. "ooooooooohhhhhhhh…" everyone said and now held shuriken. "That's better. (to Kisame) You'd better run." Itachi said. "… Why…? ….. OH MY GOD!!!!!" Kisame said running. All of Akatsuki ran for him… well, actually just the last new member. Everyone else just watched as he ran, one of them eating popcorn. "I wonder why he ran?" one said. "yeah… we were only going to carve his name on the official Akatsuki nameplate."

Kisame POV

_WHY GOD WHY!!!??? WHY IS EVERYONE CHASING ME!?!?!?... HUH? No one's here… who's that nerd? Why's he the only one chasing me? I feel pretty stupid._

Normal POV

"think we should stop him?" Itachi asked. "Naw, let's leave him. He'll find his way back sooner or later."

**In the forest (by this time, the nerd and Kisame got tired and sat down)**

**"…** SoO… why were you chasing me… with a shuriken… screaming like a maniac…?" Kisame asked. "I want my mommy…" he 'replied'. "… What? You're in Akatsuki right?... wait… your MOM!?!?" Kisame asked/yelled."…" the nerdy Akatsuki walked away… "WAIT WHERE'S TO BACK HOME!?!?!?!?!?!?" Kisame asked. But the nerd was gone.

Two days later

Itachi woke up and made some coffee. He felt weird… like he'd forgotten something… something important. "THE NEW DUDE!!!" Itachi realized. He opened the door to go see if he made it back. But as Kisame was right in front of the door, Itachi slammed the door in his face (the door swings out). All the way to the wall. Almost killing him. Itachi felt something behind the door. "Huh?" he looked behind the door only to see a very bruised Kisame embedded in the wall. "… Hey, did you ever notice that your name if slightly said wrong, would mean 'Damn You' in Japanese?" " Itachi… why are _you _in Akatsuki?" asked Kisame. " I killed all of my clan, hoping for power. Why do you ask?" Itachi replied. " Why did you kill your family?" Kisame asked. "power."

Kisame: "So you're telling me, that if you kill everyone you ever known in your family, then Hocus Pocus you are the most powerful being in your clan?"

Itachi: "Well… I suppose…"

Kisame: "No no, let me finish, What clan is there left to rule over? I mean, What's the point? Kinda defeats the purpose."

Itachi: "… well… YOUR MOM!"

Kisame: She's a shark.

Itachi: OO

Kisame: My dad's … you'd throw up if told you.

Itachi: You know what? You're my new partner. Here's your sword. You're clearly more badass than any of the other members here.

Kisame: How does that work?

Itachi: You had the guts to talk to me about WHY I killed my family. Good for you. Oh, and your sword? It shaves things.

Kisame: COOL!! WHAT SHOULD MY CATCH PHRASE BE!?! ' BEWARE!! FOR I SHALL SHAVE YOU TO DEATH!!!'

Itachi: uhhhhh no. How about , _you_ shut up, while_ I _look totally cool. You know, for both of us.

Kisame: …

Itachi: And while _I'm _looking totally cool, _you_ stand there and try to look threatening. Oh and tomorrow, you get to see a personal slideshow of what we do here in Akatsuki. See you there.

Poor Kisame. If you somehow stumbled onto this Fic, thank you for reading. Your personal slideshow starts tomorrow. FYI this is BEFORE they even appear in the anime. Like, in their teens or something.i don't know. Dedicated to my YouTube friend, AkatsukiDream.


	2. The Slideshow: an Introduction to Akatsu

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

DISCLAIMER: You all probably know this, but, I DON'T OWN NARUTO!!!

Chapter 2: The Slideshow: an Introduction

"Wake up. Or I'll kill you" said Itachi, holding a kunai to Kisame's head. OO ( this is Kisame's head. The arrow things are his gills. Tell me if it works) Silently, Kisame got out of his bed and followed Itachi to this clear white room with one chair and an overhead screen. "This, Kisame, is the one thing that will teach you all about this organization. In the form of a slideshow. Sit down." Itachi said. He turned on a radio, putting in a CD. "Beethoven Symphony No. 9?" Kisame asked. "Yes. It's to comfort you for what's to come. Okay, just so you won't close your eyes or run away or any other of that crap, ill strap your eyes open and tape you to the chair ok? " Itachi said, as if it were no big deal.

"What about blinking…?" Kisame asked, fear in his voice.

"What _about _blinking?" said Itachi, not getting the question.

"………………….."

"OKAY!!! The slideshow is about to start!" Itachi said/yelled/in his face.

"MADE BY NONE OTHER THAN… ME!!!!" Itachi announced proudly.

"Ok… music's on…check… slideshow proper… check… Okay... We're ready!" Itachi said, starting the show.

Itachi is saying all of this.

Ok, Kisame, this first pic is a group photo of us on Friday, Karaoke night! This day we drink and sing and barf on each other all night. Wich explains most of Saturday. Fights to the death _because _we threw up on each other all night. And, Sunday, we Sleep in, do nothing all day. Oh yeah, here's the pic with the fighting to the death.

red colored paper shows up

Kisame: "It's just a red piece of paper."

That's short for what happens. There's no time to take photos because someone always gets blood on the camera. So we don't bother. That's why we always have room for new recruits. Moving on. Mondays through Thursdays, is mission time, or teaching new recruits. Since today is Thursday, I'm only saying this stuff once. So pay attention.

Kisame: "I don't have much of a choice"

Good. Now, tomorrow, we expect you to come to Karaoke Night. This time, Orochimaru might be there. Say hi, get to know him. Along with the other Akatsuki members.

Normal Now.

For some odd, Strange reason, the slideshow suddenly changed out of control and kept flipping pictures. All from Karaoke Night, to Kidnapping people, killing and-

"WHO THE HELL PUT THESE PICTURES THERE!!!???" Itachi screamed. A snickering could be heard from outside the room but when Itachi looked, he was gone. Bur now the Slideshow stopped and showed a note saying:

Dear Brother-teme,

I have ruined your photos and snuck one last photo to share.

From, Sasuke.

_What picture is he talking about? _Itachi thought. "ITACHI!!!!!!!!!! TURN THIS DAMNED THING OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BURNING MY EYES OUT!!!!!!!!!!!" Kisame yelled blood stained all over the once white room. Signs of a struggle. Itachi found Kisame on his side in a corner. DON'T LOOK AT THE SCREEN ITACHI!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Itachi looked at the screen, he saw something that would make the most stoic, unfeeling person in the world cry and die crying. It was… OROCHIMARU IN A … BIKINI!! (I'm terribly sorry, and by now I've probably killed you. But if you are alive enough to read on, this is just an example on how far I go on making a crack-fic.)

A few minutes later, Deidera found Itachi and Kisame on the floor. The Slideshow thing ran out of batteries and turned off. "Woah… what happened here…?" Deidera poked Itachi and gave up and decided to wake them up in the morning.

Itachi eventually woke up and left the room without looking back. He felt strange, like he forgot something important… he wondered…

"HEEY!!! SOMEONE!!! INTIE ME!!!!! HEEEEEEELLLLPPP!!!!!!" Kisame was still tied up in the white/blood stained walled room.

If you are still alive and reading this, im sorry if I lost your trust in fanfictions. Thank you.


	3. Karaoke Night

**Kisame's First few days ay Akatsuki**

Don't own Naruto… yeah…

Chapter… 3 was it? Anyway… Chapter 3: Karaoke Night. Listen to music to prepare for what's to come.

Orochimaru's POV

_Why oh why did I even come up with this 'Karaoke Night' anyway? It's a waste of time. Wait… why am I doing this again? Oh yeah…_

_**Flashback (earlier today)**_

"Sir, there's a new Person in Akatsuki. His Name is Kisame. Since today _is _Karaoke Night… maybe you should-"Kabuto started "Wait, wait, wait. _When _did I allow new recruits? WAIT A MINUTE!! HOW DID HE FIND OUT!!! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A _SECRET _ORGANIZATION!!!" Orochimaru interrupted. "Ahem. Sir, you DID say he could be a part of Akatsuki. And you DID get drunk." Kabuto stated. "HOW did I get drunk?" Orochimaru asked, not believing the fact that he drank alcohol. "… If I told you, you wouldn't go to Karaoke Night. So… I WONT TELL YOU!!!" Kabuto said, running away. But as he reached the door, he said this: The new dude is a shark-man.

_**End Flashback**_

_How could I let a shark-dude in Akatsuki? Wow, they got me into alcohol SO much. I was SO drunk. No wonder I have a hangover TO THIS DAY. It sucks. _Orochimaru thought as he walked down the hallway. Music could be heard. And, burping and barfing, and "I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" threats. That's when he tried to run away. But he kept walking until he bumped into someone. "Watch where you're going, dumbass." Orochimaru stated coldly. He smelled some kind of fish when he bumped into that person. "Your name… is it Kisame?" Orochimaru asked. "What of it?" he responded.

"……… get out of my sight." Orochimaru said. "fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee" Kisame murmured. ( AAAAAHHHHHH I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE!!)

The day ended with Kisame and everyone else smelling…. Really really bad. They were all tired, and ready for the death matches tomorrow. Kisame…. Was the one who barfed the most, Orochimaru passed out, and has yet to be dragged somewhere else, Itachi… um… weeeeelllll……… you'll find out tomorrow. I promise.

Me: SORRY!!!!!! SHORT CHAPTER. I HAD SO MANY IDEAS BUT AFTER I SLEPT, I FORGOT ALL OF THEM!! WAAAAAAHHH!!! ILL MAKE AN EVEN BETTER DEATH MATCH TOMORROW, OK!!!!!

By the way, thank you to all who reviewed so far… only one. Hmm. Thank you.


	4. Fight to the Death: What happened to Ita

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

**Me no own Naruto. Got that?**

Chapter 4: Battle to the Death

"Wake up, Kisame!!! It's time to die in the death match today!" Itachi called. "… I don't wanna go…" Kisame murmured. "But you're going against EVERYBODY today!" Itachi yelled. Kisame stood strait up in bed. _Everybody? Did I puke _that _much?_ Kisame thought as he dragged his feet down the many stairs in the building. That's when he realized: How did Itachi call from ALL the way down there? He soon forgot his thought when he bumped into the wall in front of the stairs. "Owww…" He said. "HURRY UP KISAME!!! EITHER YOU DO OR MISS BREAKFAST!!!" Itachi called. _Geez, he's loud. _Kisame thought again, bumping into another wall. "GOD DAMMIT!!!" Kisame yelled , hurling his sword at every wall he saw. He eventually reached the dining hall and sat down. "So… what do you eat Kisame, you know, being part fish and all." Itachi asked.

"Fish food." He stated plainly. "… What _kind _of fish food?" Itachi asked, feeling a little awkward. "This." Kisame said, holding up the kind of fish food you feed goldfish. "want some?" Kisame asked. "Uhhh… no thanks… I'll pass." Itachi refused. He did NOT want to eat goldfish food. "SO! Who's ready for the death match today!?" Itachi changed the subject. "Kisame, I hope you're ready. When we say **kill**, we _mean, _**kill.** So be ready, ok?" Itachi warned. Oo "o…k…" Kisame said. He was in NO mood to fight anyone. He wished it were Sunday.

INTHEARENA

"LET'S GET READY!!! FOR THE WEEKLY DEATH MATCH!!! HERE ARE THE RULES:

Use any weapon you can carry

Please, at least _try_ to keep things clean

If you surrender, you will be brainwashed of this organization, and go through the whole town for one day in your birthday suit.

Kill or battle only the people you remember you barfed on.

If you DON'T remember, let the people you barfed on come to you.

Newbies first.

OO Kisame murmured, "this sucks…" _Sure, I barfed on a LOT of people. But I don't remember .I'm… gonna die… _Kisame thought.

"FIRST UP: KISAME vs. …" ….Well, that's how it started. (I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WRITE FIGHT SCENES!!! YOU MIGHT AS WELL STOP READING FROM HERE!!!) By the end of all the matches, Kisame either killed someone or the match was canceled because all he did was hide. The last person he threw up on was Itachi. "AW MAN!!! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!" Kisame screamed. He did not want to fight the only person he knew in Akatsuki. (Here comes my first shot at a fight scene. Tell me if you like it or hate it.)

Itachi hurled toward Kisame with a kunai. Ready to stab him, he stopped right when the kunai was about to stab his face. "Thanks to you, I had to burn my favorite cloak. I won't kill you, but I WILL Hurt you pretty badly. Understand?" Itachi said. "OH SHIT!!"

CENCOREDPLEASESTANDBY

"LOSER IS: KISAME!!! PLEASE DRAG HIS BEAT UP SELF TO THE INFIRMARY!!!" The announcer called. _It wasn't my fault… Itachi TOLD me to drink… _Kisame thought before passing out.

Now to tell you what Itachi did at the party last night:

"Hey, Itachi… drink a little! Have some!" said Kisame, handing Itachi a glass of beer. "I'd rather not throw up on anyone because of you." Itachi responded. But since it was late at night, Itachi yawned, and at that moment, Kisame forced the alcohol down his mouth, getting him drunk easily.After that, and after Kisame had passed out, he passed out too, in the middle of the doorway. Again, Deidera found him on the floor, but instead of helping him, he kicked him and went on his way. Today, However, Itachi, TO THIS DAY, has a bruise in his side.


	5. Sunday is a Day or Rest Right?

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

Don't own Naruto, yadda yadda yadda.

Chapter 5: Sunday is A Day of Rest… Right? 

Kisame woke up without being forced to. For the first time. Thursday morning, it was "Wake up, or I'll kill you". Good Morning to you too, _Itachi. _Friday, (This wasn't shown) he woke up to a very bad singing voice. Apparently, Akatsuki started parties non-stop during the day too. Saturday, "Wake up Kisame!!! Time to die in the death mach today!!!" Yeah. Way to start the morning. Well, he woke up to the sound of video games. Very LOUD Video Games. "Kisame!! How does playing video games sound?" Itachi asked. "Loud." Kisame responded, still very sleepy. "What Game is that?" Kisame asked. "Uh… Sasori, What Game is this?" Itachi Asked. "Who cares? I'm just playing." Sasori responded, not looking at them.

"Gah, nevermind." Kisame said. He didn't really care anyway. He was thinking of what to do today, until a picture of his mother appeared in his mind.

KISAME'S PAST REVEALED

Kisame was a little kid, average, run of the mill, kid. With gills. And no pupils. Anyway, he lived with his mother (a shark) and his dad (a human). They lived in a beach house right beside the ocean. So things worked out… kinda. To tell you the truth, Kisame was… ADOPTED!! Actually. I'm serious. So he's not the result of a crossbreed between a human and a shark. EVERYBODY KNOWS that that is just WRONG. Kisame is actually a thing called a CHIMERA. Not a crossbreed, but a merge of a shark and a human. These things exist because Alchemists (like me. I control the Wind. My friend is the thunder alchemist. My _other _friend is the rain alchemist.) Created them using TRANSMUTATION CIRCLES.

He lived a normal life (aside from being picked on) and grew up breathing air. This is all complicated stuff, so pay attention and understand as much as you can. Well, in his high School days, a junior (2nd year in High School), His mother died. Kisame saw her visit a few of her human "friends" at the Sushi bar. BAD MISTAKE. Kisame waited about 5 days. His mother never came out of that sushi bar. His Dad, being the irresponsible man he was, watched a videotape 7 days before then and died mysteriously. Thus, Kisame was put in an orphanage for about two years. Before killing everybody for calling him "Fish face".

So he went on a journey. He went FAR away from the hidden Mist village after becoming a ninja.oh. Kisame never heard of Akatsuki. He accidentally got caught in one of their traps and woke up in their organization. Now you can re-read chapter 1 with the full (almost) knowledge of what happened.

Me: Yeah… im the Wind alchemist. Not all of the above is true. But I don't know about the chimera thing either, but it's my logic.

Kisame: I'M NOT A CHIMERA!!

Me: Then how do you know what it is? Huh Kisame?

Kisame: … I hate you.

!#$&())(&$#!!#$&()

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	6. The last of Sunday and Monday

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki.**

Naruto me own not. Naruto owns me.

Chapter… five? No six… right: Actually an extension of Sunday and Part of Monday.

Kisame found himself walking aimlessly while thinking of his past. Along his way, he knocked down 2 people, 3 vases, killed 3 animals (don't ask) and watered and drowned 5 plants that Kabuto took such good care of. Until Kisame came. And ruined everything. _Wow… I had such stupid parents. _Kisame thought. Kisame spent the rest of Sunday killing plants, knocking people over and knocking over vases.

**MONDAY**

"Kisame! We're going to see a movie! And you're coming!!" Itachi called. "Orochimaru had us take the whole WEEK off. Ain't that something? The Hangover he had from both Fridays got to him. So, we're taking the week off." (Again, don't ask) "… okay… what are we going to watch?" Kisame asked. "More importantly, we have to wear civilian clothes. Well, _we _have to. I don't think it matters _what _you wear. People will still stare. What with the gills and all. Haha." Itachi said, ignoring Kisame's earlier Question. After they got changed, everyone went to the Konoha Cinema. Of course, People stared. Either it was Kisame's gills, or Itachi's Coolness. As they entered the cinema, all the Genin, Including the sand sibs and all the senseis were there. Of course, Sasuke was there too. And he threw a fit about his brother being there.

"Shouldn't you all be in school?" Itachi said sarcastically. (I don't know how to say this sarcastically, but he said it in some way I don't like). "SHUT UP ITACHI!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" yelled Sasuke. "Now now Sasuke, he's just here to watch a movie just like us." Kakashi said while stopping Sasuke. "I DON'T CARE!!! CHIDOR-"Sasuke started but realized that Itachi was already inside the theatre. Along with everyone else.

O O (this represented anger, got it?)

The movie was … … … lemme think… … AH! The Ring…… the perfect thing for Kisame to watch… Any way, the ninja were all seated as followed:

Gaara, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Ino, Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Kankuro, Kankuro's puppet, Neji, Tenten, Rock Lee, Temari, Baki, Gai, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai… Iruka? Yes… Iruka. Okay, while I was arranging seats, we already burned through almost half of the movie. Or when the black-haired girl comes out of the well all creepy-flexy like. For every step Samara made, Hinata clung to either side of her chair. First Gaara, then Shino, Gaara, Shino, Gaara, Shino and on and on until the movie was over. Both boys left the theatre blushing.

with Kisame

_This movie was stupid…I shouldn't have come. I mean, so the girl has a grudge on her parents for killing her… So what? She doesn't have to kill people at random. And why does she hate the people who watch this tape? Now people know how she died. At least she's remembered by someone. God… she's a retard._

With Sasuke

_KILL ITACHI KILL ITACHI KILL ITACHI KILL ITACHI KILL ITACHI KILL ITACHI _

it goes on like that for the whole movie

With Gaara

This girl… Hinata was it? She's starting to get on my nerves… //////// … /////////// …

With Hinata

_KYAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! WWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOD!! GAAAAAHHHH!!!! Hold me. GAAAAAHHHH!!!!!_

With Shino

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … //////////

everyone else

OO' Oo … --

After the movie..

"That was great huh Kisame?" Itachi said. "It didn't make sense. I mean, why did she have to kill all the people? And why seven days? And-"Kisame was cut off. "You officially ruined the movie Kisame." Itachi stated. Akatsuki walked back casually into the… wherever their place was… and played video games and watched TV until the day was over.

Orochimaru was in bed, waiting for him to die, or for the huge hangover to go away. Whichever came first.

ME: Was this chapter good?

SASUKE: KILL ITACHI!!!

ME: Yes, yes, I know, kill Itachi, kill Itachi.

KISAME: … that movie really was stupid.


	7. Akatsuki Goes to the Park

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

Naruto belongs to … (sob) Masashi Kishimoto. Not me. But for the moment, let's just say that I own Naruto… Just for five seconds… 5… 4… 3… 2… … … … 1.

Chapter 7: … uh… what did I call this chapter? Oh yeah. Akatsuki visits the park.

"OKAY! TODAY WE ARE GOING TO THE PARK! GOT IT!?" Itachi ordered. "Why do I have to come again?" Kisame asked. Kisame slept in due to… nightmares. (I'm bringing up things that want you to ask questions so, ask away!) "Because… It's… Your DUTY AS AN AKATSUKI MEMBER!! YEAH THAT'S IT!!" Itachi responded. "sigh fine, whatever. But can I wear my cloak? I haven't worn it since Initiation. And that was almost a week ago. And on Saturday, while you were beating the shit out of me, I lost my cloak. Either you burned it… or something else happened." Kisame said. "Oh, that? Yeah, I burned it." Itachi responded. "WHY!?" Kisame asked, slightly irritated. "Oh, Kisame, Kisame. It was for fun. I like burning stuff. So it's no big deal, right?" Itachi said, as if nothing was wrong. "YES IT'S A BIG DEAL!! THAT WAS MY ONLY CLOAK!!! MY GOD!!! I NEEDED THAT!!" Kisame shouted. But, again, he was ignored. "Okay, everybody ready? Let's GO!!" Itachi said.

For some odd, unknown reason, All the Genin and Senseis were there. "Aw, crap…" Itachi said. Of course, this happened: "GOD DAMMIT ITACHI!!! WHAT ARE YOU A STALKER!?! I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Said Sasuke. "Oh, God… not this again…" Itachi sighed, easily avoiding his attacks. All attacks aside, Itachi just walked to the slide and slid down. Sasuke followed, running around with a Kunai. The same rules apply with running with scissors, so he endangered the lives of many innocent children. Little did Sasuke know, that he was, under the cover of a fight, was playing with his big brother at the park. Oh yeah, all the Genin are here, right? Well, telling all the children to evacuate the park, or stay on the sidelines for a while, watched the fight. Itachi jumped on the swings, and Sasuke went on the one beside him. Since both were going opposite directions. Like one going one way, the other going the opposite… forget it, you get it, right? Anyway, Sasuke was swinging the kunai in his hand, trying to kill Itachi. Kisame decided to go home. He had no time for this. He'd rather ask Orochimaru for a new cloak. So, the rest of the day, the kids played tag and other games in the park, while the Genin and Senseis watched the two brothers fight.

Kisame, however, had no progress in the cloak issue. Orochimaru was in a VERY bad mood and almost killed him as he entered the door.

ME: I was looking on Wikipedia, and found that Kisame's Name was Kisame Hoshigaki, and that Akatsuki is actually led by a mystery leader, and Orochimaru had no part in being leader. I feel pretty stupid now, but in this fan FICTION, he is. And that All the Akatsuki members have rings, and that no one member has the same ring on the same finger. It's really confusing, but the Akatsuki are some kind of cult of rejected ninja. That is all.


	8. Akatsuki gets A Dog

**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

HaD tOnS Of sUgAr sUgAr RuSh NaRuTo NoT oWn … YeAh zaqxswcdevfrbgnhnhjmkfnkojdfkjfdbijhfbji

Chapter 8: Akatsuki Gets a Dog

"Kisame… What is this…?" Itachi asked, staring and looking over the creature in front of him. "It's a dog! Isn't it cute?" Kisame said, holding up the puppy so Itachi could see, even though he could see it fine from the floor. "I can see that much… but… where did you get it?" Itachi asked, now holding the puppy. "… Internet…" Kisame responded, not looking Itachi in the eye. "Kisame… tell the truth… and when you lie, make it realistic. YOU CAN'T BUY ANIMALS ON EBAY!" Itachi said. "Okay… then I got it on Amazon… the same place where I got my headband. And I saw yours there too." Kisame said. Itachi looked at him skeptically. "… Amazon… my headband… My headband _is _missing… and I know one of _us _is the culprit. DEIDERA!!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!" Itachi screamed. "SASORI PUT ME UP TO IT!!! I SWEAR!!! GAAHH!!!"

Deidera was now on the floor, a red puddle now where he was lying.

While these events took place, the dog left a "present" in Itachi's bedroom. Lucky for him, Itachi's birthday was about a week away. (lol) "Kisame… your _dog_ is going to be leaving very soon. Say your Goodbyes." Itachi said, glaring at him. "h-huh!? You're gonna kill him!? No way!! I'll never just –" "**Put it back, Kisame… NOW." **Itachi said. "But-""**RIGHT WHERE YOU FOUND IT KISAME!!! N-O-W-!!!!!" **"b-but I found it off the streets… Itachi… It called to me… I couldn't just leave it out there… I had no choice!" Kisame said, shivering on the floor. "**Are you saying that this dog … YOU JUST PICKED IT UP OFF OF THE FLOOR AND TOOK IT HOME!!! OF COURSE YOU HAD A CHOICE!!! 1: YOU COULD HAVE KILLED IT 2: YOU COULD HAVE LEFT IT THERE 3: YOU COULD HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY!!! HEY!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!!! I'M NOT DONE TALKING YEEEEEETTTTTTTT!!!!!"** Kisame was walking away. Itachi was more than angry, he was more than furious; he was raving mad and wanted to kill the dog.

The dog was, again, wandering around Akatsuki, looking for food. Kisame was walking away from Itachi, looking for the dog. "Here, Piper, here Piper… GET OVER HERE DAMMIT!! ITACHI WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T!!" Kisame called. (Piper is my dog's name. I couldn't think of any other names. ) Itachi, on the other hand, was looking for Kisame, holding every weapon possible, from Kunai to handguns. He was so pissed off; that he now looked like a Military commando, you know, all muscle, ammo dangling off of his shoulders, the only thing ruining the image was his nail polish and ring.

The dog was getting confused looks from all the other members. "Who let a dog in here?" Zetsu asked, more to himself than to someone else. _Why did that man take me here? I hate it here. _The dog thought. _I didn't ask him to, and I sure hope he didn't think that I _called_ him, sheesh that would be just retarded. DOGS DON'T TALK!! God, that guy must be, like, really lonely or something to think that. _

Kisame decided to just think like a dog for a second, as a method of finding it. He ended up crawling on the floor and looking like a complete and total IDIOT. Imagine it, you, crawling on the floor, mumbling things like, "Here piper, piper, piper." And "Come here so I won't look like a total idiot in front of my friends now…" and so on. But, he was desperate.

The dog. GAH! I mean, Piper, eventually found the exit. And left. Little did _you _know, that dog that we called Piper was actuallyAkamaru. He got lost and just sat there for a moment, until some fish dude came and picked him up.

FIVE WEEKS LATER

"H-here… piper… piper… piper…Here piper… piper… piper…" Kisame said, groggily. Apparently, Kisame was very dedicated. He was _still _on the floor. He hadn't changed clothes, or bathed in weeks, and he started to smell like rotten fish. "Kisame, face it. The dog **ran away.** And isn't ever coming back." Itachi said, now normal. No longer was a Military commando bent on destruction. "By the way, Kisame, What's that smell? It smells like… someone DIED in here." Itachi asked, plugging his nose. "That's me. I haven't bathed in weeks…." Kisame said. "OH MY GOD THAT'S YOU!?!? I THOUGHT A RAT DIED, OR SOMETHING, BUT _YOU!?_ THAT'S IT KISAME, TIME TO GO BACK TO THE SLIDESHOW ROOM!!(Recall at the beginning of the story, the slideshow)" Itachi screamed. "But… Piper… still… lost… must… find him…"Kisame said, trying to crawl away. But Itachi was quick to put him in the Slideshow room and dragged him away as he tried to crawl away.

FIVE WEEKS EARLIER

"Hey! Akamaru! There you are! Where have you been, man!?" Kiba said happily. "Bark Bark Arf Arf!" Akamaru responded. This meant: "Some fish dude just picked me up and took me home to his place while we got separated!" "Fish dude, huh? Hmm… okay, well, the important thing is, that you're back. So everything's fine now, Right Hinata?" Kiba said. "Y-yeah." Hinata replied. "Hey… Kiba, has Akamaru ever run away before?" Shino asked. "Hmm… no, I don't think so. This might have been the only time… I guess." Kiba responded.

_Flashback _(BOOM)

"AKAMARU!!! COME BACK HERE!!I WON'T HURT YOU!!! COME ON… IT'S JUST A FLU SHOT!!! YOU DON'T WANT A COLD DO YOU!?" Kiba said while chasing Akamaru. After that, Akamaru never turned up until about a week later.

_End flashback _(BOOM)

"No, Why?" Kiba asked. "…"

BACK AT AKATSUKI

"Kisame? Kisame, wake up. WAKE UP RETARD!!!" Itachi said, poking Kisame with a stick. "You think he's dead?" Sasori asked. "Not as dead as Deidera is now." Itachi responded. "hmm" Sasori said, nodding. Again, Itachi poked Kisame with his stick, saying "Wake up " with each poke. Eventually, Kisame woke up, right when Itachi poked his eye. "GOOD LORD!!! MY EYE!!!"Kisame screamed, making the JUST CLEANED WALLS (from last experience, see chapter 2) making them red again.

ME: Ok, ok, now, everytime there's a flashback, a HUGE explosion RIPPING THROUGH THE MERE FABRIC OF TIME- ahem- will send them in or out of that specific time period, until the flashback is over.

KISAME: Piper? Piper! Where are you!!!

ME: GOD!! DON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP!!?? PIPER IS _MY _DOG!! NOT YOURS!!!

KISAME: YOU LIE!!! YOU LIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Posessed Sword

**Kisame's First few Days at Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto. But I do own, however Roy Mustang's Gloves. I got them on Amazon. Along with a Roy Mustang Key chain.

Chapter 9: The possessed Sword

I should start calling these episodes now, huh?

Today is Friday and Orochimaru postponed Karaoke night for obvious reasons. He was too pissed off about the hangover that he didn't want any noise in the building. So he sent the whole building to go out today (not that they already weren't all week.). Itachi decided to go to the park again, just reading a book this time. Deidera, now alive again (DON'T ASK CUZ I HAVE NO WAY OF ANSWERING) Was at the Art shop (no idea what this kinda store is called) and looked at the new kinds of clay, then went to the Military store to look at the new explosives. Sasori went to the puppet store to look at the latest designs for new puppets. Hidan went to the local casino. Kakuzu went with Hidan to criticize how he lived. The "unnamed" member went to "unnamed places like "Red Robin to eat and "Best Buy" to get the Nintendo Wii. Zetsu went to the Yamanaka flower shop. A freaked out Ino waved a broom in his direction; so instead, he went to the forest to heal the bruises. And, last but not least, Kisame went to an antique store, his sword on his back.

As they say, some antiques are possessed by the ghosts of the previous owner. Either someone said that, or I'm still high on sugar. Who knows? Anyway, apparently, that statement is now true. For when Kisame came home, he put the sword in his room and watched TV. His sword was floating behind him, ready to kill. But right when the sword was about to slash, Kisame found a quarter on the ground. "Hey! A quarter! Finders Keepers!" Kisame exclaimed. He noticed that the chair in front of him was smashed to bits_. Was someone trying to kill me?_ Kisame asked himself. _Oh well. _Kisame started walking away. The sword, now frustrated, followed him once more.

Itachi was now walking back home. _Hmm… no encounters with Sasuke today… I could've sworn he would come after me or-_ Itachi's thoughts were interrupted as he sensed a shuriken being hurled towards him. He ducked quickly and turned around to see – you guessed it- Sasuke Uchiha running with a kunai towards him. Itachi sighed and started walking again, blocking and evading attacks as far as he could without revealing where his location was. Then, right out of the blue, he disappeared and left Sasuke kicking the air. Eventually, Sasuke lost balance and fell to the ground. When Itachi got to the building, he was greeted by Kisame's sword trying to kill him. "KISAME!!!" Itachi yelled, but Kisame was on the other side of the building._ WTF!?! WHERE'S KISAME!?! _Itachi thought.

By now, everyone was arriving home. They were all surprised at what they saw. Itachi fighting a floating sword. They all went about their business, when the sword got tired of fighting Itachi and went for Zetsu. Itachi went in search of Kisame. Eventually he found him, playing tennis on the New Nintendo Wii that the "Unnamed" member brought home. "Hey Itachi! Wanna play tennis?" Kisame asked, but was always ignored at these trivial questions. Itachi just went and unplugged the TV. "Your sword is trying to kill Akatsuki." Itachi said, holding the electrical cord. "What… are you talking about? My sword is in my room." Kisame said. "OH yeah, then what's **_that over there!?!?!"_** Itachi said, pointing over to the Sword slashing at Zetsu and other random people, Like the lunch servers.

"NOT POSSIBLE. My sword has my logo on the handle. My name in italics and surrounded by fish and sharks. _Which _I made **BY MY SELF.**" Kisame stated proudly. Again, Itachi pointed to his sword, verifying the logo on the handle. Kisame looked, and at that moment, the handle of the sword turned to show him the logo. "**HOLY SHIT!! THAT'S MY SWORD!!!" **Kisame screamed. He ran over to the sword, trying to grab hold of it, but was wacked away as if he were a leaf in the wind. Zetsu was now a bloody mess of plants and flesh. "We're gonna have to hire an exorcist. Said Deidera, popping out of nowhere. "But this is a _secret_ organization." Kisame pointed out. "I DON'T CARE!!!! THAT SWORD KILLED THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNEW HOW TO MAKE MOZZERELLA STICKE _JUST_THE WAY I LIKED THEM!!! And how to work the grill. Anyway, ALL I WANT IS FOR A _PERFECT _LUNCH WITH A SIDE OF _PERFECT _ MOZZERELLA STICKS FOR A _PERFECT _ AFTERNOON!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?!?!" Deidera Ranted. "I MEAN, I WAS _KILLED _BY ITACHI YESTERDAY!!!" Deidera continued, but no one was listening, for they were calling the exorcist. "PIPE DOWN DEIDERA!!! WE'RE CALLING THE DAMN EXORCIST!!" Itachi shouted. "Jeez, what a whiner, I mean you get killed _once _in you life and suddenly you want to sue! God, its NO BIG DEAL!!" Itachi said. Kisame was talking to the exorcist while Itachi and Deidera were Ranting on about Mozzarella sticks and Liabilities. "Uh… no, we'll pick you up… see, our building is VERY hard to find… so what's your address… uh huh… uh huh… yes… yes… okay… in about… five minutes or so. Okay? Bye." Kisame said in the politest tone he could do. "Okay, me and Itachi are going to go pick up the exorcist. See ya!"Kisame called going out the door.

As they arrived, the exorcist gave Kisame a strange look. "What?" Kisame asked. "N-nothing… but… are those…" The 'exorcist' started. "Gills? Yes. Those are gills." Kisame finished. "Then how do you…." The 'exorcist' started again. "Breathe? Don't ask. I disregard MANY of the laws of nature." Kisame said. "Okay, give me a minute please." The 'exorcist said. "MISTER UCHIHA!!! OUR CLIENTS ARE HERE!!" he said. "U-UCHIHA!?!" Itachi said. UCHIHA WHO!?!" He asked. "Why, Uchiha Sasuke of course. Why do you ask?" the guy asked. "Why… is he coming? Aren't you the exorcist?" Kisame asked. "Huh? Oh no no no… I'm just his assistant. My name is George!" George said. "that's not A Japanese name."Kisame said. "YEAH! WELL YOU DON'T LOOK HUMAN, FISH MAN!" George said. Apparently, he was very sensitive about his name. As Sasuke came out of the door, He immediately saw Itachi and drew out a Kunai."ITACHI!!!-" Sasuke started but Itachi cut in. "Sasuke, we need your help. Almost half of our organization is dead because Kisame here entered an Antique shop. Now his sword is possessed and killing EVERYONE." Itachi said. "What are you, stupid?" Sasuke said to Kisame.

As they arrived, they found Zetsu's still-rotting body in the corner, and the sword and all the LIVING people were playing cards at a table. "Got any… 5s?" Sasori asked. The sword flipped the table upside down and slashed His head off. "Hey!! Everyone!! The exorcist is here!!" Kisame yelled. "Sasuke is the exorcist…" "… what happened to him?" Sasuke asked, pointing to Zetsu. "Oh… he's one of the victims." Itachi said. "Oooooook… let's get started." Sasuke said. All Sasuke did was take the sword and whacked it to the wall until it was proved lifeless once again.

"…that was it?" Itachi said. "Are you telling me… that I paid $60000 JUST FOR A SWORD TO DAMAGE MY WALL!?!?!?!" BULLCRAP!!" Itachi said. The day ended with Zetsu still rotting in the corner and everybody trying to kill Kisame for getting them INTO this mess and putting them into bankruptcy. "KISAME!!! YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!" everybody said. Eventually, they all passed out and lay were they were until tomorrow.

ME: I like mozzarella.

Kisame: My sword killed Zetsu…

ME: no, I COMANDED your sword to do that. So its not your fault.

KISAME: so you're telling me, that you commanded the sword to kill one of my friends, to hire an exorcist, who cost us ALL OF OUR MONEY, and led us to bankruptcy !? DAMMIT!


	10. Family reunion

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki **

**I don't own Naruto** If I did,Gaara would be MINE and only MINE. There'd be a love triangle between Kiba Hinata and Shino (With Hinata in the Middle), Shika-kun would be in love with Ino, Neji wouldn't be constantly afraid of the Main branch and ordered around, and Rock Lee would look... normal... I guess.

EPISODE (not chapter) 10: Family reunion

Today's death match was canceled for the annual Family Reunion. Everybody, however was put down because they were all looking forward to killing Kisame today. But, family was just as important. Zetsu, now alive again, saw his parents come through the huge doors of the building. "Mom! Dad! Over here!" he called. Zetsu's parents were an odd couple, for you see... his mother didn't talk. It was not that she wouldn't talk, but, rather, she couldn't. She was just a plant in a vase saying "Mom". Sure, people thought it was creepy, freakish, and weird, but that was Zetsu's mother, no matter how you look at it. Sasori's parents... were not human. He was orphaned when he was very little, using his parents as puppets. They were his very first two puppets. So, the people who came were, in fact his parents. In the form of puppets. Deidera's parents were specialized in pottery using clay. Well, the mom was. The dad was specialized in explosives. Very BIG explosives. Hidan's parents were jack dealers, working at the local casino.Kakuzu's Parents were critics for Konoha Idol. Kisame and Itachi just conversed with the other parents. Itachi killed his parents, and Kisame's mom is now sushi and Dad is dead with a deformed face.

But the real highlight of the day was that Orochimaru's parents were coming today. They were all looking forward to His mother's cookies from last time. Only the cookies were rigged with poison. But they really were good. (Before the poison settled). But hopefully, they weren't rigged with poison... today. Now, Orochimaru's parents... weren't exactly human... but were snakes. How he turned out human you ask? Well, His father's uncle's great great great grandmother's uncle who had a rare wolfman disease's wife's sister's uncle's wife's aunt's sister's friend's uncle who married his single other aunt, father's grandpa's military leader who had an affair with his wife's friend. Complicated? You wish. That's only the half of it. But I won't bother you with the rest. But one of Orochimaru's long distanced. Cheating relatives were human. And yes, snakes can become military leaders.

Anyway, as his parents arrived, as expected, she brought cookies. Everybody was excited, ready to have the sugar and receive sugar rushes and maybe death, depending on the ingredients. "Okay, everybody! It's time for the annual family reunion to commence!" Orochimaru announced. "Mother..." he said, welcoming her onto the stage. "Here are the cookies I promised!! I'll leave them on the table over there... sssssssss" She said. Everybody ran towards the cookies, but a wall of sand blocked them. "WHO THE HELL IS THIS!?! HE'S EATING ALL OF OUR COOKIES!!!" Kisame said. "WHO ARE YOU!?!" Itachi asked/screamed." My name is Gaara. Sabaku no Gaara. And I love cookies. If I don't have them, my sand will kill you." Gaara said. Everybody backed off.

Gaara decided to hang out for a while. He watched as all the people enjoyed the company of their parents. It got boring and he decided to kill them all. ONE BY ONE. First, he started with Sasori and his ... er... parents. He commanded his sand to kill the puppets as a sign of torture then went for Sasori. "NOOO ME PUPPETS!!!!! MOTHER!! FATHER!!! NOOO!!!." Xb Sasori Is now dead. Gaara then went for deidera. It was simple really. All he did was destroy one of his clay pots and he fainted. And never woke up. He then went for Zetsu... well... he had something else in mind. MOVING ON! He then went for Hidan. He just banned him from every casino in the entire world. That would do. And Kakuzu, we told him to listen to GOOD Konoha singers, no one to say something bad about. That worked well too. Okay, for Zetsu, he cut off all water supply for him to live with and soon grew wrinkles and died.

But, while all of this was happening, Kisame and Itachi went out to Sea world. One of Kisame's best friends lived there: SHAMU!! "Hey ol buddy! How's it going!?" Kisame greeted his long-time friend. "Who are you? My name's not Shamu... it's Jeff." the whale said. "WHAT!? WHAT HAPPENED TO SHAMU!?!" Kisame asked. "Oh... you must be talking about the oldie... yeah... he's kinda... dead." Jeff said. "TH-THEY REPLACED HIM!?"Kisame asked. "Yup... that's how old he was. They do it all the time. Confusing me with Shamu. "OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" Kisame screamed. "Calm down, Kisame..." Itachi said. "ZOMG!!! I HATE SEAWORLD!!!" Kisame screamed. When They both got home, they saw, written in blood, "GAARA WAS HERE". And on the floor, saw dead people. Yes, Gaara got Orochimaru too.

ME: I feel like this was the worst chapter I've ever written. Tell me what you think.


	11. The Mystery of the Stolen Wallet

1**Kisame's First Few days at Akatsuki**

I do own Naruto!!! psyche. I don't. I just manipulate the characters to do my bidding. That is all.

Episode 11: The Mystery of the Stolen Wallet.

Police borders saying "DO NOT CROSS, POLICE AT WORK" surrounded every nook and cranny of the Akatsuki building. They even put it around Zetsu, thinking he was a house plant. What was all the commotion about? The title of the chapter should've told you, but I'll tell you: KISAME'S WALLET HAS BEEN STOLEN!! Who did it? I know, but you don't. You aren't supposed to anyway. Why did they do it? I still have yet to think about it, but I'll get around to it. Why Kisame? Because he's the new kid. Well, starting last week. But he's just too fun to mess with.

Kisame was on the floor crying his ass off, Itachi just watching. "Kisame... it was just a wallet... you can get a new one. And besides, what would you have _in _a wallet anyway? We don't get paid to be evil." Itachi said, actually _trying_ to comfort him. "IT HAD $5,000,000.02!!! HOW CAN I REPLACE 5 MILLION DOLLARS!?! And two cents."Kisame yelled. A policeman came up to him and held up a picture. "Hi. My name is officer Hughes. And this is My daughter Elicia!! ISN'T SHE CUTE!?!" He said. Hughes had good intentions, he was actually thinking that his daughter's picture would cheer him up a little. But, Kisame just shaved the picture with his sword. Hughes gasped, along with officer Edward Elric, who was very short for his age, Officer Roy Mustang, who was very good with fire, And officer Riza Hawkeye, who was a very skilled gun... woman. Officer Havoc, who was a lot like Asuma-sensei (coughChainSmokercough), Officer Kain Feury, who looked like a middle schooler, and Officer Falman, who had a memory that defied the laws of physics.

Maes Hughes was kneeling on the floor, mourning over the loss of one of his _precious _Elicia pictures. Edward, since he was so small, searched all the small spaces of the house, finding many paper bombs in the most awkward places. Under the toilet, in between every wall, and in Kisame's bed too. Lord knows when they would go off. Meanwhile, Officer Falman was interrogating Kisame of the past crime. "So... what happened exactly?" He asked. "Well..." Kisame began his story.

_Flashback no Jutsu! (BOOM)_

"_La-di da -di-daaa... I gots five million and two cents in my wallet! _" Kisame sang. Then, out of the blue. A mysterious man came up and punched him, knocking him out cold. The next thing he knew, his wallet was gone.

_Reversed Flashback no jutsu! _(BOOM)

"... so you _sang_... that you had 5 million in your wallet... okay... not exactly the _wisest_ choice, but fine." Falman said. "Officer Mustang. I have the info. Here." Falman handed the paper to Roy. "He sang!? What an idiot... why do I always get the _weird_ cases?" Roy said. Okay... so... what do you remember about how he looked. Well... he had... Green hair... half of his face was black... the other half white. 'Tis a weird one I'd say." Kisame said, now wearing an eyepatch like a pirate. "Ok... fine. We'll have to first interrogate everyone in the organization. Havoc, you take care of that. You go with him too Hawkeye." Roy commanded. "Sir!" both said.

"Ok... everyone gather and put your name on this clipboard. We'll use this to call in and check out all in the Organization." Riza said.

"Okay... first up is... Itachi Uchiha." Havoc called. "Will Itachi Uchiha please come into the Interrogation room." Itachi walked in. In about five seconds flat, he came out again. "O-ok.. Next up is Ivana Tinkle. Everybody! IVANA TINKLE!!" Havoc called. "Is that Havoc?" Feury asked. "You don't want to know." Falman said. Everybody laughed. Even Riza Hawkeye laughed. "What... OH YOU- YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!" Havoc yelled. "(laugh) ok... who's REALLY next up is Deidera. Please come in. In about 3 minutes he came out again. "What an interesting story... uhm... Deidera. Next is... Havoc, you want to announce it?" Riza asked. "Ok... uh... Isaac Balls. Aw shit..." Havoc said. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Everybody laughed. "Ok Havoc... I know how to lure the culprit out of the crowd..." Riza said. Repeat after me: I am" "I am" "Sofa King" "Sofa King" We Todd Ed" "We Todd Ed" Havoc finished. "Now, say it really fast." Riza ordered. "IamSofaKingWeToddEd" "no,, no. Not that fast. It loses meaning. "I am so fing retarded" was how it turned out. Everybody laughed again.

ME \: I'm going to make this a 2-part chapter ok? So wait for the next chapter.


	12. The Mystery of the missing wallet part 2

**Kisame's First Few days at Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto. But I do have good news. I just won the Spelling Bee and am Going to the regionals!!

Episode 12: The Mystery of the Missing Wallet (Part 2)

Even though all the interrogations were finished, not everybody was talked to. Zetsu was still in the corner, tied up by the police lines. It's too bad though… He's a prime suspect. All the police left, and Zetsu was set free. Kisame was not in good shape. He had gone completely mad in the past few hours. The members of Akatsuki were now taking shifts to look after Kisame because Itachi was getting tired of watching him himself. So now it was Deidera's turn. He wasn't all that good with Kisame, because all he said made him a little bit crazier. Was it him? No. But it was kinda his fault. He said things like, "its ok… I'm sure no one took any money out of your Wallet…" and "It was just $5000000! No biggie…right?" wrong. Well… it was a good thing that Kisame was practically taking care of himself. He was just twirling around, knocking down plants and people… the like.

"Deidera… It's my turn now…" Sasori said. "OH THANK GOD!! I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA KILL ME SOONER OR LATER!!" Deidera exclaimed. "Yeah yeah now go away." Sasori replied. All he really did to stop Kisame was put him on a leash and sleep. OF COURSE IT WAS METAL!! Sasori's not stupid. Anyway, Kisame just sat there like a dog.

MEANWHILE WITH ZETSU

_Gonna buy me some drugs… _ Zetsu thought, walking into the store. He was gonna buy a rare drug that cost $ 4,000,000. what a coincidence. NOT. _He _was the one who stole Kisame's wallet. He went into the store and bought … _the goods._ When he came back he saw Sasori asleep, so was Kisame, only like a dog. On the floor. Anyway, he put the wallet under his mattress.

Fortunately, Itachi did not want to pay for a detective, so he decided to search everybody's room. Yup, every nook and cranny and the last stop was Zetsu's room. "Hello…" He said. He felt and heard a jingling of coins when he sat on the bed. When he lifted up the Mattress, Kisame's wallet fell to the ground. Itachi picked it up and went to the living room where Kisame was. "Kisame… here boy! Here boy!" He said, and just like a puppy, ran over to claim his wallet. "HOLY CRAP!!! IT'S MY WALLET!!! HOLY CRAP! HOLY … crap…? **WHERE THE HELL'S ALL THE MONEY!!!" **Kisame yelled. "I found the wallet in Zetsu's room. Oh.. And I found these pills in his mattress, too." Said Itachi, holding up the drug.

Zetsu has rotton luck… because right when Itachi held up the pills, He came in and said "Hi guys…oh crap…" Everybody, especially Kisame gave him angry looks. "I… can explain-" He said, right before Kisame came and shaved off the plant on his head. "**WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY EXPENSIVE, 5 MILLION DOLLAR DRUGS!? YOU GROW DRUGD ON YOUR HEAD!!!" **Kisame yelled. "I-it wasn't 5-5million… Kisame… s-sir. It was 4 million." Zetsu said, very afraid. "Wait… then what happened to the extra million?" Itachi asked.

SOMEWHERE IN SUNAGAKURE

"YES!!! NOW I CAN BUY ALL THE COOKIES IN THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… HA!" laughed a very crazy Gaara.

ME: well… It's not my _funniest _chapter…

GAARA: I needed a bigger role… you know… like me buying and eating all the cookies in front o everybody… or something.

SASORI: (wakes up) Is that you Gaara? Tell Kankuro that he owes me $50… ok?

ME: tell me what you think!


	13. MATH

1**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto. I do, however, own... HOLY CRAP!!! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!

Enjoy this chapter ...either way... aww...

Chapter 13: MATH

Kisame was sitting in a chair, writing something. But it wasn't what you'd be expecting him to be writing. He was writing numbers. Yes, numbers. Orochimaru's Hangover got him pretty hard. And his mother's cookies weren't helping. (Gasp!)Well... her cookies were filled with drugs that made people smarter, then stupid. But the effect of the pills were smarter. For now. Anyway, Orochimaru got so smart, he decided to teach Akatsuki Math. "Okay... 2x2... Sasori, You answer. NOW." He said. Orochimaru , even though he was smarter, had ABSOLUTELY NO PATIENCE WHATSOEVER.

"uh... 5?" Sasori guessed. "WRONG!!! YOU FAIL!!!" Orochimaru said, slashing a sword in his direction. "OH MY GOD!! OROCHIMARU KILLED SASORI!!!" Deidera screamed. "SHUT UP FAG!!" Orochimaru said, slashing another, cleaner sword at Deidera. But he ducked though. "Hm... maybe not all of you are idiots... What happened to you guys? I've been teaching you for years!" Orochimaru said. Zetsu raised his hand. "Yes Zetsu?" He said. "Uhhh... this is your first day ever paying attention to us... at all." He said. "Wrong thing to say, Zetsu. Wrong thing to say." Said Orochimaru, but right when he drew out the sword, the stupid part of the pills kicked in. "A duuuuuuhhhh" he said, looking like a total idiot. Still holding a sword, he twirled around like a ballerina and started singing. "OhHhHhHh LoOk At MeEeEe!!! I'm a ballerina!!! woohoo!!!" and on and on he sang, until the smarts kicked in again.

"So, Here's the problem of the day:

The Longbow Forestry Service is replacing trees that were harvested during a recent deforestation project. They have 762 fir trees and 751 spruce trees to replant on 6 hillsides. The service would like to plant equal numbers of trees on each hillside.How many fir trees and how many spruce trees will they plant on each hillside?"

The room was silent. "WELL!?!" orochimaru said. The room was _still _silent. "Oh come on! Okay... how about I give you all worksheets about this problem. As homework." Orochimaru handed out papers. _When did we get a copier? And WHERE did Orochimaru get his suit? And WHERE– _Kisame snapped out of his thoughts when a paper was slapped into his face. "WHAT THE HELL!!?" he said. "You spaced out again, Kisame. Here's your homework." Orochimaru said. Then the stupid kicked in. "I'M A MONKEY!!!" Orochimaru screamed. Itachi thought that this was a great time to leave.

"ITACHI!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" Kisame yelled. Kisame walked out of the door. "WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS! THEY'RE PROBABLY DEAD!!" Kisame said. "... Yeah." Itachi said smiling. "WHY ARE YOU SMILING!? " Kisame asked.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru went back to normal, but the drug worn off. He was now asleep, on the floor. Everybody took this as a chance to leave. They all left and went to town. There were the Genin, etc. And, of course, Sasuke appeared. (By the way, Itachi and Kisame were there too). "ITACHI!!!!!!!!" Sasuke yelled. "Sasuke!!!" Itachi yelled sarcastically. Gaara was there, for some reason. And he looked at Kisame and waved the $1 million. "THAT KID HAS MY $1 MILLION!!!" Kisame yelled. But what gaara was holding was just a picture. He then held up His bag of cookies. "AND HE USED IT TO BUY USELESS COOKIES!!!" Kisame continued.

" COOKIES ARE NOT USELESS!!! THEY MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND!!!" Gaara yelled. Everybody looked at him. "O O uh... -ahem- nevermind..." He said. _ Ok... _ Everybody thought.

WITH OROCHIMARU

"what happened...?" Orochimaru asked. He looked at the chalkboard. _When did we gwt a chalkboard? _He thought. He looked at the papers on the desk. _When did we get desks? _ He looked at Sasori. _ When did we get a dead body? _

ME: ... no comment.

KISAME: Sasori's dead...

ITACHI: Orochimaru made a complete IDIOT of himself

DEIDERA: Gaara has cookie problems...

ZETSU: I had Drugs last chapter

GAARA: I ATE ALL THE COOKIES IN THE WORLD!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA (eats cookie) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...HA!


	14. WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT?

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I do not own Naruto. WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Episode 14: WHAAAAAT!!??

"W-what did you say!?" Itachi asked, surprised at what the real estate agent said. "Well... according to these official documents, This land is private property of the Uchiha clan." He said. "WHAT UCHIHA CLAN!?! THEY DON'T EXIST ANYMORE!!! I SHOULD KNOW! **_I KILLED THEM!!!_**" Itachi screamed. "Well, there happens to be one more left and needs this land for a particular reason." Real estate agent said. You know what? We'll just call the real estate agent George, you knoe, the guy that works for Sasuke in the exorcist company! Yeah. Him. "And what reason would that be?" Itachi asked. "To restore his clan and plot his revenge " George said, as if nothing was wrong. "Well, in about 24 hours, we will be expecting you to gather your things and leave." George continued. "Good day." And George left, leaving all of Akatsuki dumbfounded.

And that was how it happened. Now packed up and ready, they left the house, in search of a new one. "DAMN YOU SASUKE!!!!!!!!!" Itachi yelled. "I-itachi... calm down... It'll be o-ok... right you guys?" Kisame said. Everybody but Zetsu stepped back. "HEY!!! YOU GUYS!! NO!" Zetsu said, but Kisame got out some kind of puppy-dog eyes... (or something remotely related...). "You guys suck..." Zetsu murmered before supporting Kisame in his "It will be okay" speech. But Itachi was so angry, that he went Military commando again and went to hunt for his younger brother.

"It's gonna be a while before we can sleep in a normal bed..." Deidera said. "Ohhhh... this sucks..." Sasori said. "So... guys.. What should we do first?" Deidera asked. "I dunno... I've never been outside the base before except for when it was my turn to restock the nailpolish..." Sasori said. "OH MY GOD!!! WHAT ABOUT THE DAMN NAILPOLISH!?!?!?!" Deidera screamed. "Why don't we get a car? OH OH! A FERRARI!!!" Zetsu suggested. "Zetsu... you wouldn't FIT in a Ferrari. Besides, where in THE WORLD would we get the money. We spent almost all of our money on the sword damaging our wall, and My money (glares at Zetsu) was in the hands of a cookie-maniac from Suna and ZETSU!!" Kisame said. "Look, I said I was sorry, ok?" Zetsu complained. "NO YOU DIDN'T AAAAHHHHHH!!!" Kisame said, trying to kill Zetsu. "THAT WAS $4 MILLION RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN!!! YOU ALREADY GROW DRUGS ON YOUR HEAD!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!?!" Kisame yelled.

MEANWHILE... WITH SASUKE...

"MAN THIS IS COOL!!" Sasuke exclaimed, looking at the huge building. "Now... time to settle in, and start my plans..." Sasuke said, taking a box full of crap from his house. After about two hours of arranging, He still had about 22 more hours to spend, 10 hours for sleep. So that left 12 hours. Wow, I just did Mental math. Anyway, He was at a random desk, when he stared at a random hallway. It was empty, but _this_ particular hallway had all the rooms for all the members of Akatsuki. He smirked, and then started to search the first room.

WITH AKATSUKI

Everyone got a sudden chill down their backs. They all just realized that they all forgot to take most of the stuff in their room. Deidera was the first to confront this publically. "HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! I FORGOT MY HAIR DRYER!! OH MY GOD!!!" "You use a hair dryer: Sasori asked. "Sasori... at least _try _to have common sense... how do you think I get mu hair like this?" Deidera said. "Hair Cement." He replied. "Oo... " Deidera... replied.

BACK WITH SASUKE

He entered the first room and saw that it was full of... puppets, and a poster of Pinnochio. It was Sasori's room (duh). He explored the room as best he could without knocking down everything to kill him. There wasn't much there, except for... (BEHOLD! ALL AKATSUKI'S SECRETS REVEALED!!!) ... dead... bodies... under his bed... twitching. It was creepy, so Sasuke left for the next room. It was filled with plants. It was Zetsu's room. He looked around, and under the mattress, were DRUGS!!! He took one, and was high for a few minutes, but then moved on to the next room.

BACK WITH AKATSUKI

"HOW... how... long has it been ...since we ever ate something...?" Kisame slurred, tired and hungry. "Where's Itachi?" Zetsu asked. "Why are we here again?" Deidera asked. "That, my friend, is one of the many mysteries of life." Sasori said, for once with an answer. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!! I MEAN, WHY ARE WE HERE, WONDERING THE STREETS AIMLESSLY FOR DAYS!" Deidera screamed, very angry. But, it's only been one hour. And Itachi was...

WITH SASUKE

Sasuke heard a knock at the door. "Yes... may I help ... YOU!!!" Sasuke said, pointing at Itachi. "Hello... _sasuke..._" Itachi said, a murderous look on his face. STAB STAB GAAAAH RIIIIIIP! HOLY CRAP!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! BANG BANG!! BOOOM!!!!!!!!!

bo0OOO0om (echo) "... hey... did you hear something?" Kisame asked the wandering group. "Come to think of it... I hear the sound of french fries on a grill, waiting for me to condume them, saying 'eat me... eat me!!!' oh!! It's driving me insane!!! I'll have to killone of you!!!" Deidera said, drooling. "Hey guys!" said Itachi, coming up behind them. "HOLY CRAP!!! ITACHI!!! WHERE WERE YOU!!??" Kisame said. "I have good news my friends! I have successfully killed Sasuke! Now we can go back home now!" Itachi announced. As they were walking home, Zetsu asked, "Soo... Itachi, how did you kill Sasuke?" " uh... let's just say that it had a lot of sound effects." Itachi responded.

Somewhere in the Akatsuki home, a body rosse from the floor.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" he laughed.

ME: no, I'm not thinking of making a sequel to this chapter. It just signifies that Sasuke is still alive.


	15. Girl Scouts

**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

I own Naruto as I own the Internet. Which means I don't.

Episode 15: Girl Scouts

_Knock Knock _ Was heard At the door of the Akatsuki… building? Household. No… Headquarters… yes… headquarters. Zetsu answered the door. "Yes?" He said, answering the door. "Newspaper!" The man said. He held out his hand. " FOR THE LAST TIME GEORGE YOU'RE NOT GETTING A TIP!!! YOU ALL THROW IT IN THE MOAT AND I CAN'T READ THE FUNNIES!!!" Zetsu screamed. George left. There was another knock on the door. Zetsu was the closest so he answered the door again. "WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU F#&!!!" Zetsu screamed. But instead of George, was a little girl in a uniform. She had white eyes, and midnight blue hair, it was Hinata Hyuga. She started to cry and ran. "Aw… crap." Zetsu said before closing the door.

Another knock was at the door. Deidera answered it. "Hello?" "It was a blonde haired girl from Konoha. It was Ino, obviously. "Hey… wanna buy some… HEY!!! THIS HAIR-STYLE IS COPYRIGHTED YOU ASS!!" Ino yelled. Deidera only gave her an angry look and closed the door.

More knocks were heard at the door. " I wonder who that could be? I hope it's my new magazine 'Puppets weekly'!" Sasori said, walking to the door. It was someone from the Sand village this time. It was Temari. (EVERY GIRL IN NARUTO IS A GIRL SCOUT!!!) "Hey… aren't you-" she started, but Sasori slammed the door in her face. "HEY!!! "

More knocks at the door. As usual. Itachi's turn. It was a girl wearing two buns to hold her hair up. "A… Panda?" He said. "I AM _NOT_ A PANDA!!!" Tenten screamed. She shoved the box of cookies in Itachi's face and said "That'll be $40 please." She said it awfully cheerfully to be angry, but she was clenching her fists, so, I guess she's angry.

Sakura was at the door this time. Tobi answered the door. "Hi! Are those cookies? Tobi want some!" He said, grabbing a cookie. But Sakura snatched it away right when his hand touched the box. "It cost a dollar a box." She said. "HUUUUUUH!?! BUT TOBI HAS NO MONEY!!" Tobi said. "Man… uh… ZETSU-SAAAN!!! CAN I HAVE A DOLLAR!!!" Zetsu came to where Tobi was at the door. "Cookies? Fin… but you owe me." He said, handing him a dollar. "Thank you very much!" Sakura said. "MM!!!!! Cookies!! Shanks Zetsu-shan! " Tobi said, biting a cookie. It seems that Sakura and Tenten were the only two who benefited from this girl scout thing so far.

Another knock was at the door, but it wasn't a girl scout. Zetsu answered the door again and said "WE DON'T WANT ANY F#& COOKIES!!!" But at the door was the REAL leader of Akatsuki. "Zetsu… what is the meaning of this!?" _aw shit…_ Zetsu thought as he was receiving a lecture from the leader. "And for your punishment I will sentence you to 2 days in the Slideshow room.

ME: Not my _best _ chapter… but it's ok… right?


	16. HD TV

1**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto.yeah?

Episode 16: HD TV

"Hey Itachi, What's in that box?" Kisame asked "This, Kisame, Is the new joy of our lives. This is, a new way of watching anime, soap operas, and game shows. THIS IS... A HIGH-DEF TV!!!" Itachi announced,trying to carry the heavy box. "KISAME! Help me carry this box." He ordered. When they got it into the house, they were wondering how to ... install it? I don't know this stuff!! I waste my life on the computer!! Anyway, they tried their best, but found that this was easier said than done. At first, they got it in the wall. But it didn't turn on. Second time, they plugged it in, but instead of channels, they got static, or "The bee channel".

TWO HOURS LATER...

They finally got it!!! Yay!!! But, they had another dilemma. What would they watch? "I say we should watch the Art channel!" Deidera suggested. But it came out as an order than a suggestion. "I wanna watch the puppet channel!!!" Sasori screamed, punching Deidera. "OH YEAH!? BITCH!!! RAAAAHHH!!!" Deidera screamed back, hitting Sasori. They started fighting."Ok... I want to watch animal planet!" kisame said. "I want to watch the Uchiha channel." Itachi said. "That was the point I blew off $50 to buy this TV." "I want to watch... uh... the cooking channel." Zetsu said. "Screw the COOKING CHANNEL!!!" Itachi said. "ART CHANNEL!!!" Deidera screamed, full of bruises. "GOD DAMMIT!!! DEIDERA!!! WE'RE WATCHING THE PUPPET CHANNEL!!!" Sasori said. "YEAH AND BY PUPPET CHANNEL, YOU MEAN MR. ROGERS AND HIS PUPPET FRIENDS!!!" Deidera said. "OH THAT DOES IT!!!" Sasori screamed.

Ok... after beating eachother senseless, they decided to watch a movie instead. It was a kid's movie, NOTHING that you'd expect Akatsuki to watch. It was Monster House. "Dude, this is such a good TV, I can actually see the snot out of that kid's nose!" Kisame said. "Yeah... it's pretty creepy. And I can also see the liver spots on that old guy's face!" Itachi commented. "OH MY GOD!!! ARE THOSE ZITS!?!? HOLY CRAP!!! THIS TV IS GOOD!!!" Zetsu yelled. Oh, By the way, Sasori and Deidera are in a corner, all beaten up, and knocked out.

After the movie ended, They wanted to watch Bleach. "Give me the remote, yeah!" Deidera said, now awake. "No! I want the remote!!!" Sasori yelled. "Fine, I don't want to get beat up by the _almighty _Sasori!! Oh no!!" Deidera said, sarcastically. "Hmph. That's what I thought." HuffeD Sasori touching the remote. But it felt sticky... like... OIL!!! "DEIDERA!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS- OH MY GOD... NO!!" Sasori screamed. Deidera held up a match and threw it at Sasori. "HOLY CRAP!! NO DEIDERA!!! IT'S JUST A TV!!!" Kisame yelled, but it was too late. The match already reached Sasori and blew up. "OH MY GOD!!! YOU KILLED SASORI!!!" Kisame screamed. Yes, there was a lot of screaming in Akatsuki. "Ok... I want the remote. Give it to me before I blow you up." Deidera ordered. But everyone noticed that the remote was on the table, unguarded. All of them gave each other glares, looking at one after the other.

All at once, they reached for the remote. But in the little (And by little, I mean BIG, GIGANTIC, HUGE, ETC.) The remote somehow flew to the new Tv, and crash landed into the screen and broke the new TV. Everyone was shocked and blamed each other and started beating up eachother.

ME: And that's what would happen if Akatsuki got a HdTv. That is all. Oh, this is important. IMPORTANT!!! How should I end the series? Suggestions in the form of reviews, such as, like how many chapters do you want or something.


	17. Fangirls

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatuki**

**I don't own Naruto... yeah... I luv Deidara... yeah!**

I'm going back to Chapters... Chapter 17: Fangirls... ugh...

Right after the "TV incident" , or so it was called afterwards, Akatsuki had another problem: Fangirls. Itachi had the worst case. "DAMN MY UCHIHA TRAITS!!!" He often cursed. "You think _you_ got it bad? Try having all those disturbing, creepy, all around gross Yaoi fans!! That's just wrong!!!" Deidara said. (My apologies to all Yaoi fans.) "GAAAAAH!!! ITACHI!!! HEEEEEEEELLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kisame yelled. Apparently, they found Kisame in the swimming pool. O B V I O U S L Y! Anyway, Kisame was being dragged by the legs and was clawing at the ground. "HOLY CRAP!! NO!! AW CRAP!!! UH... WHAT DO I DO!?!" Itachi said, looking at Zetsu. "...Zetsu? What's wrong, yeah?"Deidara asked. "Everyone has at least one fangirl but me..." He responded. "Well, you don't want one. But, I'm sure that you have lots of fans and they'd do ANYTHING to be here... yeah?" Deidera comforted... but only made things worse... again. "OH GOD!!! I'M SO... SO... WEIRD!!! THIS SUCKS!!!" Zetsu screamed.

MEANWHILE WITH KISAME

"W-where _is _this place...?" Kisame choked out. It was dark... like an evil lair of an evil villain... but dark in a sense, as in Kisame pictures everywhere. "... what... are... those-" Kisame started, "PICTURES OF YOU!?! WHY YES!!! WE LOVE YOU KISAME-KUN!!" One girl said. "Uh... th-thank you... very... much...?" Kisame said, hesitantly. To him, He thought that if you said something wrong to your fans, they keep you in captive longer than they planned originally.

WITH ITACHI, DEIDARA, SASORI, AND ZETSU

Itachi was next to be captured. "NO! NO! NO! NO!!NO!!!!!!!! "He screamed. "ITACHI!!! NOOOOOO!! HE HAD A PLAN!!! HE WAS ABOUT TO TELL US!!! WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?!?!" Deidara screamed. "Shut up, Deidara, they'll find us..." Sasori said. "Zetsu! You still alive back there?" Sasori called back. "Of course I am. I don't have anyone chasing me... I'm just a freak with drugs growing out of my head..." Zetsu said. He was, just now, being self-conscious about it. "ZETSU!!! THIS IS NO TIME TO BE DEPRESSING!!! TWO OF OUR MEN ARE DOWN AND PRESUMABLY DEAD!!! EATEN BY CANNIBALS AT BEST. TORTURED BY... _THEM_ AT WORST..." Sasori yelled. This was a drastic time for Akatsuki.

WITH ITACHI

Itachi was with the _wrong_ place. The people who captured him were Yaoi fans, who had... SasuItachi pictures... all over... the wall. "Where is this... SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THOSE!?!?!?" Itachi asked/yelled. "We are the SASUKE ITACHI SUPPORTERS!!! WE LOVE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN UCHIHA SASUKE AND UCHIHA ITACHI WE THINK THAT THEY SHOULD ALWAYS------------- ceNCorED---------- AND ---------------" The leader of the group said. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! I AM TRULY IN HELL!!!" was the last sound before the doors to the room closed.

WITH KISAME

_I wonder how Itachi and the others are doing... _ Kisame thought as he watched the fans watch him. At first, he was nervous, but now, he got used to it. Sure, it was creepy, if not frightening, but he got used to it. If he sighed, they squealed. If he blinked every 50 times, they screamed. If he moved to get comfortable, they watched him like a hawk stalking its prey. It was creepy, and he was scared and alone. "H-hey... can I have a glass of w-water?" Kisame asked. "HE SPOKE!!! OH MY GOD!!! HURRY!!! GET HIM A GLASS OF WATER!!!" One girl said. Kisame was freaking out. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see everyone again, even though it was partly his fault they were in this mess...

_Flashback no Jutsu! (BOOM)_

(After the TV incident)

"OH MY GOD!!! YOU BROKE THE DAMN TV!!! IDIOTS!!!" Kisame yelled. He went to a bar for no good reason. He got drunk and revealed the whereabouts of Akatsuki. "Kisasme, who the hell are- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi started, but it was too late...

_Reversed Flashback no Jutsu!! (BOOM!)_

_Stupid, stupid, me..._ Kisame cursed himself.

WITH ITACHI

_stupid, stupid, Kisame... _ Itachi thought, as he tried to close his pried open eyes to shield his eyes from the horrific slideshow being shown to him. "OH! ITACHI-SAN!! THIS IS A FAVORITE PICTURE OF YOU AND SASUKE-KUN!!" The leader said. "Hn... HOLY CRAP!!! GET THAT PIECE OF SHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!" Itachi screamed, only to be ignored and shown more pictures.

WITH SASORI, DEIDARA, AND ZETSU

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SASORI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Deidara screamed as the fangirls took his leg. Then his arm. Then the rest of him. "HEY!!! THAT WAS MY ARM!! I FEEL THINGS AND MAKE PUPPETS WITH THAT!!! HEY!!! MY LEG!!! I WALK WITH THAT!!!" Sasori screamed. "NO!!! ZETSU!!! WE HAVE TO MOVE TO HIGHER GROUND!!! THEY'LL KILL US AT THIS RATE!! LOOK AT WAT THEY DID TO SASORI!!!" Deidara said, looking for Zetsu. "What would it matter... they wouldn't want me... I'll just slow you down..." Zetsu said, not moving from his spot. "GOD DAMMIT ZETSU!!! THIS IS NO TIME TO BE DEPRESSED!!! WE ARE GOING TO DIE IF WE DON'T MOVE!!!" Deidara screamed. He grabbed Zetsu's plant head... thing... you know, the plants on his shoulders? Anyway, He grabbed the leaves and pulled him up and dragged him. But, on accident, he let go and Zetsu Dropped to the sea of people. "HOLY CRAP!!! THEY GOT ZETSU!!!" But he, in fact, slowed them down by scaring them half to death. _Whoah... thank you... Zetsu!! _ He thought, climbing up.

WITH SASORI

"I don't even want to know what you did with my arm and leg..." Sasori said, looking at the fans. "Uh... We'll tell you anyway." Their leader said. ------------------ceNSorED----------------- With each detail, Sasori's eyes widened, and soon fainted at how far fangirls went to show they were fans... (shiver)

WITH KISAME

Kisame was set free because he wasn't doing much, but they said they'd be back. Oh, how that saying sent chills down his spine...

WITH ITACHI

He used the ...uh... evil, killing Sharingan thing and killed them all. Why didn't he think of that sooner?

WITH DEIDARA (and once Zetsu...)

"I'M... THE ONLY ONE LEFT... THE ONLY ONE LEFT..." Deidara said, in a fetal position. Luckily for Deidara, The leader was just coming home. He was whistling a happy tune as he unlocked the door. He opened the door only to be greeted by tons of fans of Akatsuki, spotting Zetsu in the Center of it. At first, he was surprised. Then angry. Then confused. Then Bloodthirsty. He walked into the building and killed everyone in sight, except for the people he knew. He took Zetsu and Deidara, and saw Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori already in the Slideshow room, ready for rehabilitation from their traumatic expirence. "Good, you're all here." The leader said.

"Okay... so you three... came here upon instinct... I'm glad to see that you kept _some _of your sanity. Well, assistants, fire up the slideshow."The leader ordered. "Are you sure? They'll go through hell." The assistant said, looking at the group. "I've already seen hell. Carry on." Itachi said. The leader excused himself to his room, where he saw a huge lump in the covers. "Tobi!? What are you doing in my room!?!" He asked. "TOBI'S HIDING FROM THE FANGIRLS... Are they gone yet?" Tobi asked. "I DON'T CARE IF TOBI IS DYING!!! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The leader screamed. "But Tobi's a good-" "DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP!!! GET OUT!!!" He screamed.

&$$$$$$$$

#$&

!#$&

!#$&(

"Sasuke... don't you think that's a little much?" George said. "No, George, I think that this is just the beginning... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

ME: Wow...

SASORI" THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN'ARMS!!!

DEIDARA: I'm in... my happy place... yeah...

KISAME: I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITACHI: I thought I understood what hell was all about... but I was wrong...

ZETSU: Why don't I have any fans?

LEADER-SAMA: TOBI!!! GET OUT OF MY F#$ ROOM!!!!!!!

TOBI: But Tobi's a good-

LEADER-SAMA: BULLCRAP!!

ME: Review... or I'll go to hell... so says Itachi...


	18. ZETSU HAS A BROTHER?

**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I Don't own Naruto. But I do own Zitsu, Zetsu's older yet younger brother. I swear.

Chapter 18: ZETSU HAS A BROTHER!?!?

It all started as a simple request from the mostly silent Zetsu. "Hey… can my brother come to stay for a while?" Zetsu asked. "Sure… older or younger?" Kisame asked, smiling. "Uh… older… yet… younger…" Zetsu replied. "What do you mean… Zetsu…?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow."Uh… I mean… I'm younger… but he's seen less of the light of day." Zetsu said. "He's also a power-hungry psychopath. When he arrives, you better hide for your own safety." Zetsu added. There was a knock at the door. "DELIVERY FOR A… ZETSU… VENUS FLYTRAP?" The mail carrier said.

"HEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT TOOK MY ARM!!!" Sasori yelled, bursting through the door. "IT STILL HAS DEIDARA!!" Deidara emerged out of his room, arms full of clay. "TELL MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVED HER!!! YAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Deidara screamed, hurling exploding clay at the plant. "Deidara has a girlfriend?" Zetsu asked. "No, he's just saying that to be dramatic…" Itachi said. "I'VE GOTTA STOP THIS!!! ZITSU!!! STOP IT!!! THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS!!" Zetsu yelled, trying to get hold of his brother. "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!!!" Zitsu yelled. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" "There goes Deidara…" Itachi said, sipping coffee. "ITACHI!!! AREN'T YOU CONCERNED!?" Kisame asked. "No… this is perfectly normal." He replied.

"Zetsu… Before you go pursue Zitsu, Why don't you explain to Kisame what he's all about." Itachi said. "Ok…" Zetsu replied.

ZETSU SAYS ALL

It all started when I was just a small leaf. My older brother, Zitsu, was 14. He turned 15, and I was now a ninja. He wasn't. I grew up without knowing until recently knowing I had a brother.

Kisame: Why's he called ZITsu?

Well, it was an "Incident" From when he was 15. Not pretty. Anyway, he was locked away in a leaf pile for about three years, to where he is today. He is a power-seeking maniac, willing to do anything to gain power. Why? Even I don't know that. So he can smell the most powerful being in a sensible walking distance, and kill them, then take their place. It was just a small deal, when he Ate the principal, then the mayor-

Kisame: HE'S THE CULPRIT TO THE 19—MAYOR'S DEATH!?

Yes. Anyway, He started to crave more and more power, and started getting civilians involved. He is my brother, Zitsu.

ZETSU STOPS TALKING

"So… that's the story… huh?" Kisame said. "Yup, now, help me get Deidara's corpse and put it in the freezer, will ya?" Itachi said, dragging Deidara's body to the kitchen. "Sure… but what about Sasori…?"Kisame asked. "He can take care of himself." Itachi replied.

MEANWHILE WITH THE LEADER…

The leader was just walking out of the house, a safe walking distance from the Akatsuki base. He was whistling a happy tune, again, while listening to a burned Naruto CD. He was listening to his favorite song, "Haruka Kanata" by ASIAN KUNG FU GENERATION, Also the writers of "Rewrite", the last opening of Fullmetal Alchemist anime. Anyway, He was walking to the Akatsuki base, and Saw a torn up delivery box and a broken door. "oh no… I'm not paying for that…"He said, walking through the door. All of a sudden, he saw a big-ass plant moving around, sniffing something. "Oh no… He smells the leader…" Zetsu said. "Okay, here's the plan, when Zitsu knocks him down, we take his wallet and run." Itachi whispered to Kisame. "NO STEALING WALLETS!!" Zetsu whispered loudly.

Zitsu went and ate the leader and felt more powerful. "_He's _going to be our guest for the next three days?" Kisame asked. "Yes. Take it or leave it." Zetsu said. "I'd rather leave it…."Kisame said. Okay… uh…-" Zetsu started, but was interrupted by a gunshot. It came from Itachi, who shot Zitsu to death. "HOLY CRAP!!! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!!' Zetsu screamed. "No biggie…"Itachi said, taking another sip of his coffee.

ME: Zitsu… is… now just a house plant…. Yeah…


	19. Art Class?

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I DON'T OWN NARUTO, blah, blah, blah...

Chapter 19: Art class?

Kisame was sitting in the only intact room in all of Akatsuki, what with the evil plant brother, The rabid fangirls, and The possessed sword. What about the other rooms? Well, in chapter 1, When Itachi slammed the door open, Kisame's figure was in the wall. Chapter two, Kisame damaged the wall in the SlideShow room with the color of his blood. And in Chapter 3... oh don't get me started. Ok, first off, They all got drunk and grabbed chairs and threw them every which way. Second, they barfed on each other ALL NIGHT. Third, Not just on EVERYBODY, but EVERYTHING TOO! Chapter 4, the matches involved throwing (ANYWHERE, I might add), Killing, and... more throwing and fighting. Chapter 5 & 6, Kisame knocked down 2 people, 3 vases, killed 3 animals, and watered and drowned 5 of Kabuto's plants. Skipping Chapters 7, Chapter 8 had Akamaru, or rather, "Piper", Gave Itachi a birthday present. No one entered _that _room ever again. Chapter 9... the possessed sword. Chapter 10, Gaara paid us a little visit. He killed everyone in sight. Chapters 11 &12 were Kisame and his little "Episode", Chapter 13, Orochimaru taught us Math... oh the horror... Chapter 14, Sasuke Ruined everyone's rooms, Itachi made it worse. Chapter 15, Girl scout invasion. Not much damage to the house, but annoyed the people _in _the house. Chapter 16, The memory of the so great TV, that you could see the contents of a kid's nose in a movie. It was shattered to pieces. Chapter 17, Fangirls, nuff said. Chapter 18, Zetsu's older brother.

But today, Deidara, in exchange for dying 3 times, in count, had to have one day of art class. "Art is a bang, got it, yeah? And if you think it sucks, then go to hell, yeah. Sasori, my assistant, will demonstrate some of the coughWrongCough sides of art...yeah." And it went on like that until Kisame couldn't help himself and fell asleep. No one noticed because Sasori was in a dress that Deidara designed himself. "HOLY CRAP!!! HAHA KISAME YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!! HAHA!!" Itachi said, waking him up. "Huh?" Kisame said. But when he looked up, he saw Sasori in a dress, and put his head back down. Hard. Everyone was laughing at Sasori and started to walk out of the room.

And, once in the Kisame story, Sasori died, a non-violent death, but rather, one of humiliation. "Hey, Sasori, wake up, yeah." Deidara said, poking him.

"Hey, guys? Tobi's got a secret to tell you." Tobi said. "OH OH !! LET ME GUESS!!! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!!!"Itachi mocked. "No... not this time for Tobi." Tobi said. "OH MY GOD!!! THE APOCALYPSE!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" Zetsu yelled and jumped out the window. "Well... if it's not you're being a good boy, then what is it?" Itachi asked. "Well... it's just that... Tobi's real name is Obito Uchiha..." Tobi... I mean Obito... I MISS TOBI!!! said. Every one stared for a loooooooooooooong time. "So... I missed one..." Itachi said, readying a gun.

"Zetsu! You can stop pretending to be dead now." Kisame called. "He's dead." "Actually, I'm still partially alive!!!" Zetsu said. BOOM!!! "HOLY CRAP!!! YOU SHOT ZETSU!!!" Tobi yelled. "Don't worry, there are 5 more bullets with your name on it."Itachi said, taking aim. "You'd better run..." Kisame warned, looking at Zetsu's twitching form. "Tobi's scared..." Tobi... I MEAN OBITOBI!!YEAH!! THAT'S IT!! "It's Obito now.. Bitch." Itachi said, going all gangsta-like and all."BUT TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!!" Tobi screamed. "NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE'S OBITO NOW!!! BIACH!!" Itachi said, chasing after a now running Obitobi.

----------------------------------------------CENSORED ----- PLEASE STAND BY ------------------------------

"Ow..." muttered Obitobi, dragging his half-dead body behind a tree to hide. But he was just like charlie brown and hid on the wrong side of the tree: The side Itachi was coming from. "AW CRAP!!" He said, running away. Itachi took one last shot and killed obitobi. "Now I'm the only one left..." Itachi said, putting the gun away.

ME: review... tobi's notdead, I'm not even sure if he's obito... but... yeah.


	20. Letters

**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto… yeah.

Chapter 20: Letters

Kisame got a letter from his aunt Finny. "I have an aunt?" Kisame asked himself. "oh well…" He opened the letter.

_Dear Kisame,_

_I heard that you joined a gang! How nice, you're playing with your school friends! Well, I just wrote to say hi!_

_Love, Aunt Finny_

"What's it sat, Kisame?" Itachi asked, reading over his shoulder. "It's a letter… from an aunt I've never heard of…" Kisame responded. "But I think she lives faaaaaaar away, because it took them 5 years to get it here. That, or she lives close by and the mail carrier had to go through hell to get through the traps we set."Kisame added, looking out the window. There was blood, and stained blades, and a shred of a mail carrier's shirt, and the mail carrier. "Ewww…"Kisame said, closing the blinds. "You should write back, just in case she's still alive. But if she isn't, you should make it look as un-evil as can be."Itachi said. "Yeah… but what should I write?" Kisame asked. "Oh… maybe something saying a little about our 'gang'. Say a little bit about us here at Akatsuki. But don't give her our address. Don't want another mail carrier to be stuck in the jaws of death in our front yard." Itachi said.

_Dear aunt Finny, _

_I never even knew you existed, but it's nice to know that I'm related to a person named "Finny"._

"NO! IT HAS TO BE KINDER, GENTLER! LIKE THIS!!" Itachi ordered. "Oh yeah? Since when were you the expert of 'Gentle' and 'kind' huh Itachi?" Kisame back talked. "Watch me start:

_Dear Aunt Finny,_

_Thank you for writing to me. By the time I got your letter I am now 29. I appreciate the letter and-_

"NO. She'd know it wasn't me… I was… a _difficult _child, and didn't talk or write like that at all when I was a kid. She's know… she'd just know…" Kisame interrupted. "Anyway…" Itachi continued, annoyed.

_I hope you got this letter sooner than I got yours._

_Your nephew_

_Kisame Hoshigaki._

"That was a load of bull and you know it."Kisame stated. "Soo?"Itachi said. "Let me write it. ON MY OWN. Thank you very much." Kisame said, pushing Itachi out the door.

-------------------------2 hours later--------------------------------------------------------------------

"ITACHI!!!!!" Kisame yelled. "Yeeess?"Itachi said, like a gay man. He was feeling kinda… well gay. "Stop that. (Itachi serious, normal mode now) I need to send this letter, but I never have sent a letter before…"Kisame said, looking at Itachi with a "DON'T READ IT" look. "What's in the letter, yeah" Deidara said, coming in the room. But that was when Zetsu and Sasori were walking down the hall and overheard Deidara. "What? A letter? From Kisame to who?" Sasori asked, peeking into the room. "We get mail?" Zetsu asked, also entering the room. "Tobi want to know!" Said Tobi, about to step into the room, that is, until Itachi pushed him out. "What's wrong!? Tobi want to see too!" Tobi whined. "Strange. Last I checked, it was Obito." Itachi said, still pushing Tobi out the door. "Are we still on that? I thought we were friends after you killed Tobi!" Tobi said. "That's what you think now get out." Itachi yelled Giving Tobi one last push out the door.

"DEIDARA!! IF YOU READ THAT I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Kisame roared while trying to grab the letter from Deidara. "NO!! I WANNA READ IT!!YEAH!!" Deidara said, running away. "Anyone who wants to see, follow me! Yeah!"Deidara called. All of a sudden, Kisame was trampled on and knocked down (Or vice versa) and had footprints all over his face. When he woke up, everyone was laughing at him. "SHUT UP!!! IT WAS A LETTER TO MY AUNT!!! I HAD NO CHOICE!!!" Kisame cried. "_You _wrote it!? HAHA (lol, roflmao, etc.)" everyone laughed. "Well… that's humiliation and embarrassment for about 3 weeks…" Tobi said, walking up beside him.

_Dear Aunt Finny,_

_Yes, it's me, Kisame; I am now 29 and not in elementary school. My friends are not cute, my friends are not in a gang, and it's called an organization. Well, it's nice to know that one of my family members isn't dead… I think. My friends are Itachi, Deidara, Zetsu, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Tobi. They are annoying at times, but they're still my friends. Anyway, I thank you for the letter, and hopefully this gets to you sooner than yours reached me._

_Your nephew, Kisame Hoshigaki._

"HAHA I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD BE SO HEART-WARMING KISAME!!" Sasori said, patting him on the back. "Shut up," Kisame murmured. "I MEAN, SHE'LL BE IN TEARS OF JOY WHEN SHE GETS THIS LETTER! YEAH!" Deidara said, waving the envelope in his hand. "_if _she gets it!! You're still holding on to it!!" Kisame yelled. In one swift motion, he grabbed the letter and threw it out the window. "There. Now, it will get torn up, eaten, spit out, (Deidara: Because it's too sweet, yeah! Ha-ha!) And then get run over by cars, and crapped on by some huge-assed dragon!" Kisame stated, as if he were planning it to happen. But then one fact brought him to freeze in a state of shock. "What if it doesn't?" Tobi asked. "Then, Tobi, my friend, I will huddle into the darkest corner of the most damaged room in the entire building, and kill myself, so that if someone were to come looking for me, I'd have already be dead. And then we can forget all of this crap ever happened. That, Tobi, is what would happen, if the letter doesn't get torn up, eaten, spit out, and get run over by cars, and get crapped on by a big-ass dragon." Kisame responded.

But, the letter went on a journey, and made it (somehow) to Aunt Finny's house. "My, oh my… it's a letter from Kisame!" She exclaimed. After reading it, she was so touched, that Kisame would write back, that she fainted. And never woke up.

"I feel… horrible for some reason…" Kisame said, wandering around the building, aimlessly. He felt like he killed someone without even knowing it. It was… an awkward feeling. He was zoning out again, and started his knocking down people, killing animals, and drowning plants. In the background, he could hear Deidara shoving clay into Tobi's mouth. "Is this toxic clay, Deidara!?" Tobi asked. "Why don't you wait and find out, yeah." He responded. Kisame was distracted for a few minutes, but soon resumed walking and killing.

ME: I'm going to end the story soon ok? Like, in six more chapters or something. … 20 chapters… wow… I've written a lot… well, thanks for reading this far… I guess.


	21. The Library

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

**I no own Naruto yeah and I had a cookie and the sugar is rushing through my bloodlines which could be hazardous but I don't care ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha(passes out)**

Chapter 21: The library

Itachi suddenly decided to take Akatsuki to Konoha for the next three to six days. Their first visit was the library. (For unknown reasons). Kisame took out random books, and carried them to a table. Unfortunately for him, some were seafood cookbooks. "Ok... let's see, 'Cooking From the Sea'... sounds interesting..." Kisame said to himself. When he opened to the first page, he was shocked at what he saw. It was a fish, with lettuce around the plate, and different seasonings on top of the fish, and forks and spoons nearby. "HOLY CRAP!!!" He yelled. "Shhh!!! we're in a library" The librarian hushed. Kisame dared to turn the page to find a familiar lobster... "Fr-Freddy?" Kisame said to himself. Freddy was his only friend above all of the people in his life (Before Akatsuki). Oh... my... GOD!!!" Kisame said, in a low whisper.

Itachi was in the... "Fine Arts" Section. He was looking at the different weapons and torture styles. He looked over his favorite, poking people with swords. He smiled as he read the passage and smiled through the whole book. He was reading and reading until the end. Then he was sad. "AW MAN!!!" He yelled. "SHUT IT!!! WE'RE IN A LIBRARY" The Librarian yelled across the building. "Evil bitch... I should kill her tomorrow..." Itachi said to himself, before closing the book in search of another, torture filled one.

Deidara was also looking in the fine arts section, but he was in a totally different section than Itachi's. He was in the clay or sculpture section, and in a flash was in the explosives section. He decided to just take any random book and put it on a table. "Hmm... where to start... 'Explosives in the 1800s'... no... 'Art for the soul'... no... Aha! 'Clay sculptures and explosives'!!! Perfect!" Deidara said. "YEAH!!" He almost forgot to say that, but the librarian was not happy... as usual. "SHUT IT!!!" She yelled.

Sasori was also in the fine arts section, but he was looking at a book about a puppet who dreamed to become a real boy, Pinoccio!!! " 'and they lived in peace forever...' BULLCRAP!!!" Sasori yelled. "BE QUIET OR I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! "The librarian threatened. "She's a load of Bullcrap too..." He murmured.

Zetsu was in the gardener's section, looking at a picture book with roses and daffodils, and other girl-like plants. Where he lived, that was the equivalent to porn. "What are you doing Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked.."I'll tell you when you're older..." Zetsu said, looking back to his book. "But it looks like... a child's picture book with flowers in it... "Tobi said, examining the book's cover. "Whatever..." Zetsu responded. "Why don't you just leave me alone and do something else?" He asked Tobi. "But-" Tobi started. "GO."

Tobi was wandering the library. He found nothing, until he saw something on the cover of a children's book. " 'the Ugly Duckling' " He read. He started reading the book, getting weird stares from the surrounding people. When he finished the book, he started crying. "WHAT A GREAT STORY!!!" He wailed. "What... are you doing?" Zetsu asked, seeing him on the floor. "ZETSU-SAN!!! I JUST READ THE SADDEST STORY EVER!!!" Tobi replied. "Tobi... this is 'the ugly Duckling'... it ends with the duck growing to be a beutiful swan... at least, that's what I heard." Zetsu said, holding the book. "R-REALLY!?! I'M SOOO HAPPY NOW!!!" Tobi was crying tears of joy this time. Who knew he could be so emotional? "Oh great... what've I done?" Zetsu said to himself.

Kakuzu was in the gambler's section. He was reading for a new way to play poker, new poker faces, better ways to trick you're opponents, the like.

Hidan was in the Religion section, but was very angry. There was nothing that said anything about killing people as a sacrifice to the gods.

When everybody finished with their books, ready to check them out, they all met where they heard Tobi crying. "What happened to him, yeah?" Deidara asked, pointing to Tobi. He was first crying because of a duck-" Zetsu started. "I don't wanna know anymore...yeah..." Deidara said, turning around. "Okay, Itachi, what's Kisame's story, yeah?" Deidara asked, pointing to Kisame. "He says he saw an old friend in a book... I don't know the details." Itachi responded. Kisame was shivering and holding a book. "F-freddy... freddy..." He chanted over and over again. "Kisame... do you want to check out this book?"Itachi asked. Kisame nodded slowly. "Ok... I'll take this book to the counter now." He said slowly. Everyone else followed, Zetsu dragging Tobi.

"Were you guys the ones making all the noise?" The librarian asked. "Uhhh... no...?" Itachi said. "Hmmmm... sure, ok..." She responded, putting the books into the bag. "Thank you, come again."

ME: I'M LOSING MY TOUCH!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I NEED SUGAR!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	22. TOBI 5!

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto… or X-Play. BTW, This was based on the "Adam 5 episode, with my own little twist…

Chapter 22: TOBI 5!!!

"Fellow Akatsuki's, " The leader began. "I think that we've been too lazy on the missions lately!" "What missions? We've had no work since Kisame got here!! And he came here at 16!! He 29 now!!" Itachi yelled. "HEY!! DON'T MESS WITH ME!!" Kisame yelled. "SHUT IT FISH BOY!!" Itachi yelled. Kisame grabbed him by the legs and flung him out the window. "YEAH!!! WHAT NOW!! I GUESS I NEVER TOLD YOU HOW I GOT HERE!! I KILLED EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY ORPHANAGE!!" Kisame yelled out the window.

ANYWAY…

"Anyway… I'd like to introduce our newest member!!" The leader said. A robot walked in. "COOL A ROBOT!!!!" Orochimaru said, excited. "Yes, a robot. And you're fired, the robot's taking your place." The leader said. "Oh my god…" Orochimaru said, not so happy now, huh!!! "NOW." The leader ordered. After Orochimaru left, Itachi asked, "What's with the 'V' ?" "That's a Roman Numeral." The leader explained. Silence. "It Stands for 5!" "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!" everyone said. "Let's call him Tobi 5!" Tobi said. "Fine, but only because he got first dibs." The leader said, folding his arms. "What happened to the other 4?" Kisame asked. There was a disturbing silence.

_Flashback no Jutsu (BOOM)_

"_I want to live... I want to Live... I want to live... "_ The robot called from the garbage can. It was ignored as the trash can's lid was put on top... The robot was never seen again...

_Reversed Flashback no Jutsu!! (BOOM)_

"Wow... A robot!! Can it download music!?" Kisame asked, looking at the robot with interest. "Can it cook, yeah?" Deidara asked, also looking at the robot. "Can I take it home?" Tobi asked. All were looking at the robot. "Will he count my money??" Kakuzu asked. " I can't believe you guys, getting all excited over a robot... I don't trust it..." Sasori said, folding his arms over his chest. "What's the worst that can happen, Sasori! Haha come on!" Tobi said.

The robot, known now as Tobi 5 was doing wonders for the organization. He even built it back to normal!. Well, he was doing lots of stuff, like massaging Itachi's back, Writing the day's events in record time, Trying to gain Sasori's trust by giving him flowers. He wacked it away. Meanwhile, Tobi was showing Tobi 5 all the important places, like the power supply. "This is the main power source for the entire Organization. Shut this down and it's all over. You know it's like 'click' and then 'blegh'! Ok, now I'll show you the Water supply!." Tobi said. Tobi followed.

Meanwhile, Kisame and Sasori were having a conversation. "You know, Tobi 5 is the best thing that's happened to Akatsuki." Kisame said. "Well, I still say he's a jerk... Sasori responded, drinking his coffee. Kisame left, and Tobi 5 tried to talk to Sasori. "What are you drinking?" Asked Tobi 5. "It's coffee..." Sasori responded coldly. Why are you drinking it?" T5 (Tobi 5) asked. "'cause I'm tired and I need to wake up." He responded coldly, with equal coldness. "But you are already awake." T5 said. "THAT'S IT. You may have everyone else fooled, but I've got my eye on you. You hear me? I know what you really are. One of these days you're gonna make a big mistake and I'm gonna be thereto SHUT YOU DOWN." Sasori said, getting in T5's face. With that he walked away.

Somewhere, Sasori was crying over a picture. "Man, Sasori's in pretty bad shape. What the heck happened?" Tobi said. "He'scrying because his girlfriend left him for a robot." Kisame said."Well that's why he hates Tobi 5 so much!" Tobi said, patting T5 on the back. "Why does he cry?" T5 asked. "Should I call a doctor?" "Oh, well, he's just a little broken hearted." Tobi said. "If his heart is broken, how is he still living?" T5 asked. "Oh, it's a figure of speech. It means that his girlfriend left him, but he still really loves her." Kisame explained. "What is... 'love'?" T5 asked, looking at Tobi. "It's a human thing. (Whisper) I'll tell you later..."Tobi said, walking off.

Tobi 5 walked up To Sasori. He put a hand on his shoulder. "I understand that you suffer from a broken heart. Perhaps I can be of Assistance." T5 said. With that, he ripped out Sasori's heart and looked at it in his hand. "This heart seems to be functioning properly." T5 said. He placed the heart back, but Sasori didn't wake up. "Wake up." T5 said. Nothing. It was akward. So he walked to get coffee, and poured it all over his face. Still nothing.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Kisame asked, staring at Sasori's dead corpse. "Did Tobi 5 do this?" "WHOAH WHOAH!! Back up!! Robots don't kill people! I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation! I mean, he probably did this to himself!" Tobi defended. "Itachi, did you teach Tobi 5 to kill?" Kisame accused. "NoOoOo!" Itachi said.

_Flashback no Jutsu (BOOM)_

_Itachi was playing a video game, Tobi 5 watching carefully. _

"I'm gonna kill you until you're dead and see, you love it when I kill you because it's fun..." etc. T5 just watched as Itachi set the example for him.

_Reversed Flashback no Jutsu_ (BOOM)

"On a completely unrelated note, I think we should remove Tobi 5's brain. "Itachi said. "Ok..." Kisame said. "Big mistake..." Tobi said.

Everyone was getting weapons ready. Sharpening them, practice swings, and so on. "WAIT WAIT!!! There has to be a logical explanation." Tobi started. "What's there to explain? We want his brain." Kisame said. Everyone around him cheered "Brains!' or "Yeah!". "Ok... well, look. In the security cam, he's perfectly fine." Tobi said. "You mean the storage closet?" Kisame asked. "NO!! His room." Tobi said. On the microphone, he asked T5, "Tobi 5, did you kill Sasori?". Tobi 5 turned to the camera. "Yes." everyone gasped. Tobi held up a finger to silence them. "Well, _why _ did you kill him?" Tobi asked. "If humans love and love causes pain, all humans must be destroyed." T5 said plainly." Tobi got up from where he was sitting. "His logic's undeniable." He laughed. No one else was laughing...

"Alright. Here's our plan of action to get the robot's brain. Kisame and I will hold him down. Kisame, it's very important that your foot is on his throat." Itachi ordered. "Got it." Kisame said. "Then, Tobi is going to come with... the... tongs... Where's Tobi?" Itachi said. They looked in the security camera and saw Tobi trying to hug T5. "Oh NO!!" Itachi yelled. He and Kisame went to the closet to find Tobi's mask on the ground, and Tobi's face being slammed into the wall. He was screaming. "I'M GOING IN THERE!!" Kisame said.

Kisame opened the door to find Tobi on the floor bleeding in the head. "Look." Said Itachi, pointing at the hole in the celing. "Tobi 5 must've escaped through here." "HANG ON TOBI!!! WE'RE HERE TO HELP!!" Kisame said to Tobi. "It's too late for me... TELL TOBI 5 THAT SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!!" Tobi yelled. "Tobi 5's a boy." Itachi stated. "He is?" Tobi asked before dying. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kisame yelled.

"Ooh... what do we do what do we do what do we do!?" Itachi said while walking back to the group. "Doesn't Tobi 5 hav a remote control!?" Kisame asked Itachi. "Yeah, but I gave it to him." Itachi responded. "O...k... well, why is he doing this!?" Kisame asked. "I don't know, he's a robot-" Itachi was interrupted by a noise. The leader was the source. Everyone gave him strange looks. "There are two different types of Robots in the world." He explained. "Those who kill, and those who love. Tobi 5 wants both. He is unstopable and it will go on killing, and loving. Killing and loving, killing and loving-" "We get it." Kisame said."Mostly killing, until there's no one else to kill or love anymore."."Well, truly there must be _some _way that we can stop it!" Itachi said. "No." The leader said. "Really?" Kisame asked. "Well, There is one way... but you're not going to like it..." The leader said.

"I hope this works old man..." Itachi said, typing on the computer. "It's our only chance..." The leader said. "Ok, I'm logged on to his frequency." Itachi said. "Would you like to play a game?" asked Tobi 5 through the computer. Only it came out as an order than a question. It was Tic Tac Toe. "I will make the first move." It said. Itachi lost. "YOU SUCK AT TIC TAC TOE!!" Kisame said. "Well... this game cheats..." Itachi pouted. "You can always win if you're first... yeah." Deidara said. "Yeah, well now, Tobi 5's gonna kill us." Kisame said. All of a sudden, the lights when out. Everyone looked around. "OH GOD!! HE REALLY IS!!" Kisame said. "It's too late... He's here..." The leader said, a red light shining on his face.

"OH MY GOD!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" Itachi yelled, as everyone ducked under the table to hide. Then Kisame thought of what the leader said before.

_There are 2 types of robots in this world... those who love, and those who _kill... _kill... kill... kill_ ThoSe words spun around in his head. "I GOT IT!!" Kisame said, as Tobi 5 headed through the door. Kisame snuck up behind it, and with his sword, he cut off Tobi 5's head. T5 fell to the floor, dead. "YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone yelled. "YOU SUCK ROBOT!! YEAH!!' Deidara said, pointing at it.

ME: I think hat I should've ended with this chapter... but oh well.


	23. Indian Burial Grounds?

1**Kisame's First Few Days at Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto… yeah.

Chapter 23: Indian Burial Grounds!?

Besides the Tobi 5 incident… Akatsuki has been having weird experiences lately. Like…

Itachi turned on the faucet to brush his teeth, but what came out was not water… "BLOOD!?" Itachi yelled, waking everyone up.

And…

Kisame walked into the kitchen to find a lovely breakfast. "Aww… the guys must've known that my birthday was in three more days…" Kisame said. But when he ate the meal without hesitation, he realized it tasted familiar. "Hmm… tastes somehow familiar…" Kisame said, taking another bite. He finally looked at his food to find… "HOLY CRAP!!! I'M EATING FREDDY!!" He yelled. Then he heard a voice… "Why?... Why?... " and "murderer… murderer.." and "Guilty… guilty…" and so on.

Can't forget…

Tobi was waking up to a good start, when he saw a figure that looked a lot like Zetsu come in. "Tobi… You are NOT a good boy!!" it said. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tobi screamed.

Oh yeah…

Deidara was in the middle of a dispute with some thugs. He tried throwing exploding clay, but it didn't explode. "uh… oh.." He said. He was just throwing clay balls at the thugs. "We can be friends… right, yeah?" He asked. But they just cracked their fingers and smirked. Screams of help could be heard for miles.

Wow… that wasn't even anywhere NEAR the Akatsuki base, but that was still weird… Well, the point was, weird things were happening, and no one knew why. So Akatsuki had another meeting.

"Fellow Akatsuki's…" The leader said. "There are only a few of us left… Kisame has gone missing, last seen in the kitchen, Tobi has never left his room… and Deidara never came back from his 'walk in the park' " Itachi said. "Then that just leaves… You, me, Zetsu, Hidan and Kakuzu…" The leader said, counting his fingers. "Wait a minute… where's that unnamed member that we have?" "Sir, the unnamed member hasn't appeared AT ALL lately. The only time we've seen him… her… IT!! Is when He/she/it went to red robins." Itachi said. "Ok… what about Sasori?" The leader asked. "Last time I saw him, he got killed by Tobi 5. Lord knows when he's gonna come back." Itachi said.

Well… Sasori is…

"NO!!!! I DON'T WANNA GO BACK!!!" Sasori yelled, trying to run away. "Now now, We all know how much you must miss your friends…" The attendant in hell said. "LIKE HELL!!" Sasori said. "Yes, how like us…" He responded. "Look, you're not even supposed to be dead yet. You are to be killed by those team 7 guys… what was her name? oh yes, Sakura." The attendant said. OO. Sasori was… surprised… in a way, more like shocked… but, he was thrown back into the real world, right in front of the Akatsukis. He was bashed through the floor.

BOOOOOOOM!!

"SON OF A BITCH!!!!" Itachi yelled. Sasori popped up out of nowhere. "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!?!" He yelled. "Aw… dammit…" Sasori said. "Well… there's Sasori… no need to worry." The leader said, smiling. "I'll be in my room…" Sasori said. "Oh no you don't. You're just in time to be briefed on our assignments. Itachi, you explain." The leader said. "Okay, here's the deal. Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi have disappeared… mysteriously. Yeah. That's it. And lots of weird stuff has been happening, like this." Itachi explained, turning on a faucet. "IS THAT BLOOD!?" Sasori asked, freaked out. "Yes, that happened to me this morning." Itachi responded.

WITH KISAME

He was walking aimlessly around the base. He was still in the building, just where ever other people weren't.

WITH TOBI

"I'm a good boy... I'm a good boy..." He mumbled to himself, in a fetal position on the floor.

The phone rang in the Akatsuki base. "Hello?" Itachi answered the phone. "WHAT!?! DEIDARA!? IN JAIL!? WHAT FOR!?... UH HUH... OK... WHEN? HE WANTS ME TO PAY THAT MUCH!? Sigh FINE I'LL BE THERE RIGHT NOW!!" Itachi put down the phone. "Who was it?" Kisame asked. "It was the local Jail... They say that Deidara got arrested for a fight in town! AND HE WANTS ME TO PAY FOR HIS BAIL!!" Itachi yelled. "What!? Deidara's in Jail!?" Sasori asked, walking in."Yes now shut up." Itachi said.

That explains where Deidara was.

Meanwhile, the leader was exploring the Akatsuki base. The outside of it. For the first time. So he got lost. "WHERE AM I!?" He yelled. The leader tripped and fell on a... "A SKULL!? WHAT'S A SKULL DOING HERE!? AND ANOTHER ONE!! AND ANOTHER!!" He screamed, looking around. He soon realized (and by "soon" I mean five hours of looking at skulls) he figured out that The Akatsuki Base was built on an Indian Burial Ground! "Wow... I CAN BUILD A CASINO HERE!" And so he did.

The Casino project didn't last long. Their first Visitor was a crazy madman and he blew up the whole building. "We have rotten luck..." The LEADER SAID. "Why did we start a casino?" Kisame asked. "Uh.. We have an... Indian burial ground buried under our building..." The leader said... hesitantly. "WHAT!?" Everyone said.

Now that everyone knew... even weirder things started happening. Everyone got missing one after the other. It was... starting to scare them. Because only Deidara, Zetsu, Kisame and Itachi were left. Tobi was still in his room.

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?" Kisame asked. "HALF OF OUR MEN ARE DOWN AND THEY GOT THE LEADER!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!" "SHUT _UP _KISAME!! I'M TRYING TO THINK!!" Itachi ordered. "A SACRIFICE!!!" tachi said, though, no one was buying it... "YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING!! I GOT NOTHING!!" Said Itachi, putting his head in his hands and flailing around. "TOBI, YEAH!" Deidara said."We find Tobi, and sacrifice him, yeah. Then we can escape and live!" Deidara said. "That seems kinda self-centered." Kisame said. "WELL _EXCUSE _ME!! I JUST HATE THE GUY, OK! YEAH!!" Deidara responded, pouting. "Ok... how about we - OH MY GOD!!" Kisame yelled. A zombie was standing there, ready to kill. But it fell down due to something hitting it on the head. Behind it was...

"TOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all four yelled. "TOBI HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!!" Tobi exclaimed. "TOBI!!! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY, YEAH!!" Deidara said. "TOBI!! GOOD BOY!! WELCOME TO AKATSUKI!!" Zetsu exclaimed. "YAAAAAAAAAY! TOBI!!" Kisame yelled. "Thank you, thank you, you're all too kind..." Tobi said. But behind him was another Zombie and pushed him to the ground. "Tobi... Tobi... TOBI!!!" Deidara said, pushing him off of him. "YOU WERE HAVING A DREAM AGAIN AND FELL OFF THE BED!! YEAH!!" He yelled, pushing him off. "Sorry Deidara-senpai... it was a really good dream too..." Tobi said, getting up.

Confused? Well, They were all still in Konoha, in a hotel. They could only afford a two-bed bedroom, and it was Tobi and Itachi's Turn on the two SERERATE beds. Deidara, Kisame, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, and the leader slept on the floor. Deidara happened to be on the floor next to Tobi's bed. Ok? Good. Anyway...

"So... Tobi, what was you're dream about, yeah?" Deidara asked. "Ell, you were all being attacked by zombies and-" Tobi started. "-I don't think I want to know anymore...yeah..." Deidara said. "I want to know!" Kisame said. Deidara was listening too, just not showing it. "Ok ok, At first, the leader said that our organization was built on an Indian burial ground, right? And then we started a casino, and then there were Zombies and and..." and so son. When Tobi finished the story everyone was like this: O.O


	24. HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY!

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto and never will, yeah

Chapter 24: Happy Belated Valentine's Day!!

Due to very random happenings, Kisame forgot about an important holiday to share with friends: Valentine's Day. So he went to the store to buy candy. He first gave chocolates to Itachi, for being the first friend here at Akatsuki. "Here, Itachi, happy Valentine's Day!!" Kisame said, holding out the candy. "Don't turn gay on me now Kisame, I don't flow that way." Itachi said. "NO YOU IDIOT!! IT'S FOR FRIENDS!! JEEZ!!" Kisame said, punching Itachi. "IT WAS JUST A JOKE!!! GOD, KISAME, THAT EFFING HURT!!" Itachi said, getting up from where he fell. "Oh... well you sounded so serious, and you almost NEVER laugh (except when I totally humiliate myself, then you start laughing your ass off) and yeah." Kisame said, smiling... then frowning. "Well, whatever, I want chocolate." Itachi said, grabbing the box and eating its contents.

"Deidara!! Open up!!" Kisame called through Deidara's Door. Deidara opened the door. "I got you some chocolates for a late Valentine's Day!" Kisame cheered, holding up the chocolates. _SLAM!!_ "it's for being a friend you idiot!!" Kisame yelled, throwing the chocolates through the door. "Ow, yeah! That's pretty hard to be chocolate!!yeah!" Deidara yelled. 'YOU'RE WELCOME!!" Kisame yelled.

_I hope that nobody else thinks that I'm gay... joke or not..._ Kisame thought. He walked up To Zetsu."Zetsu-" Kisame started, but Zetsu just grabbed the box, ate the chocolate in one gulp, and walked off. "H-happy V-V-Valentine's d-day... I t-think..." Kisame shivered. It all happened so fast.

Next was... Sasori. Kisame walked to Sasori's room, when just before he reached the door, a huge explosion came from his room. "HOLY CRAP!!" kisame yelled, almost dropping the chocolates. "SASORI!! I THOUGHT EXPLODING WAS DEIDARA'S THING!!" Kisame yelled, walking over to his room. "Sorry, in the process of making another puppet..." Sasori said, holding up his creation. It looked like... a... barbie doll. "Is that... a Barbie doll? WTF!?" Kisame said. "SHUT UP!! UH... MY SISTER'S IN TOWN AND-" Sasori said. "You don't have a sister!" Kisame said. "You just looooooooovvvvvvve dolls!! Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!" Kisame said, giving Sasori the chocolates. "Chocolates... you're not-" Sasori said. "I'M NOT GAY." Kisame said before leaving the room.

Next was Kakuzu. Actually, it was actually Hidan, he just didn't want to deal with Kakuzu. He would complain about him not giving him money and all that crap. _Here goes..._ Kisame thought before giving Kakuzu the chocolate. "Kakuzu... I got Valentine's-" Kisame said. "MONEY!?" Kakuzu said. "No... chocolate." Kisame responded, putting the box on the floor and walking away. "MONEY!!!!!!" Was heard before Kisame broke into a run to Hidan.

"HIDAN!! STOP PRAYING FOR A SEC SO I CAN GIVE YOU SOME CHOCOLATE!!" kIsame said, opening the door. Hidan hissed at the light and ran to a dark corner. "THE LIGHT... IT BURNS!! JUST PUT WHATEVER YOU HAVE FOR ME ON THE FLOOR AND CLOSE THE DOOR!!" Hidan said. "Ooooooooookkk... well, happy Valentine's... I guess." Kisame said before backing away slowly.

Next was... the leader... _hmm... I wonder what he'd be like..._ Kisame thought. He was thinking a lot lately. Something he never does. Something he never did since the 4th chapter!! Holy crap!! Anyway, He walked into his office, and said, "Leader-sama, I brought you some Valentine's Chocolates!!" "Why? You aren't Gay are you?" The leader asked. "NO!!! CAN'T A PERSON GET CHOCOLATES FOR HIS FRIENDS ONCE IN A WHILE!!" Kisame yelled. "Not if that person is a guy. Haha. I'm joking Kisame, gimme the chocolates." The leader said. "Happy Valentine's, leader sama... I'm not gay." Kisame said, walking out the door.

The next person was unnamed. "How the hell am I supposed to give chocolates to an unnamed person?" Kisame asked. "By giving it to me." A person behind Kisame said. "HOLY SHIT!! WHERE THE HELL- WHO THE HELL- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Kisame stuttered. "You wanted to give me chocolates?" The unnamed member said. "Y-yeah... sure... here... happy valentine's then... heh heh..." Kisame laughed nervously. "Thank you..." The unnamed member said before disappearing again.

_Last is... Tobi... hm... where is Tobi anyway? _Kisame thought. He looked in his room but he wasn't there. He looked all over, but Tobi could not be found. Little did Kisame know, that Tobi was clinging to Kisame's back the entire chapter. _He'll never know I'm here... hee hee_ Tobi thought. "Well, since I can't find Tobi, I'll have to thrpw away his chocolates. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! TOBI WANTS HIS CHOCOLATES!!" Tobi yelled, jumping off of Kisame and grabbing the chocolates. "HOLY CRAP!! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?" Kisame yelled. "I was on your back this whole time. MM! These chocolates are GOOD!!" Tobi said. "OW!!" Kisame hit him on the head. "Little brat... hoe old are you?" Kisame asked. "Tobi is years old!" Tobi said. "Wow... act your age!!" Kisame said, whacking him again.


	25. Questions, Questions

**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto, yeah.

Chapter 25: Questions, Questions…

It all started as a simple conversation…

QUESTION 1

"Uh… Leader-sama… Were you the one who founded Akatsuki?" Tobi asked. "No… Why do you ask, Tobi?" The leader replied, looking up from the morning newspaper. "When did we start getting the newspaper?" Itachi asked, walking into the kitchen. "Oh… well… I don't know… it just started appearing at my door one day and I looked at it, and I read the articles And I looked at the little comics at the end… yeah." The leader replied. "You do know that we have to pay 50 cents just by getting the newspaper?" Itachi said. "REALLY!? AW MAN!!" The leader yelled. "Uh… leader-sama… about Tobi's question…" Tobi said. "Oh right… Well…" The leader started.

LEADER'S TALKING!!

It all started in the merry times of New England, When some FAT SLOB CAME AND ATE ALL THE BACON!!

Kisame: What does a fat guy have to do with Akatsuki?

I'm getting to that… Anyway, he traveled all over the world, looking for more bacon, when he reached Japan… well, this dimension of Japan. I don't know how, but he did. Well, they didn't let him in, and when he asked for the fifth week in a row, they said, "Dude, you ain't getting in this place without a passport! Now Go Away!!" At this, he walked around the borders and started a cult with other rejected travelers.

Tobi: What was the guy's name?

That, Tobi, is not important. Because, (coughHeDiescough). Anyway, after he officially started the cult, He called it Akatsuki, after some nerdy Sci-Fi show that he watched all the time.

Itachi: I don't like where this is going…

Kisame: Wait wait wait…. We were started, because some fat guy didn't get his bacon!?

Is that a problem?

Kisame: YES!! IT'S A HUUGE PROBLEM!! WE WERE STARTED BY THIS GUY WHO WATCHED LAME SCI-FI MOVIES 24/7!!

If you think _that's_ bad, then you should look at their first group photo.

Itachi: ARE THOSE…

Kisame: STAR TREK UNIFORMS!?!?

Itachi: Is that you? –points at picture-

Uh… -rips picture in half- no. –eats it- Moving on. During the reception (cough HouseParty cough) He died … of… extreme… eating habits.

Itachi: So… he ATE himself to death… wow… This happened… when?

20 years ago.

Itachi: He died 20 years ago? … 7 years before Kisame joined…

Right after he died, I took over, and made a complete reform. The others opposed, so I killed them. –smiles- Then you guys started to join soon after.

Kisame: Who was the first?

ME!! Obviously.

Kisame: I mean _after _you.

Hmm… I think it was… our own Mystery member. Ok, here's a list. I kneew I made it when I took over. Ok, here it is:

- - - - - - - - - - - - (mystery member)

Zetsu

Kakuzu

Hidan

Sasori

Orochimaru X

Deidara

Itachi

Kisame

And that's it.

Kisame: Where's Tobi?

He's not an official member.

Itachi: What's that 'X' after Orochimaru's name?

It means he quit.

Tobi: Isn't Tobi like a member to you!?

Uh… not so much.

QUESTION 2

" Hey… leader… Why doesn't the mystery member ever reveal… itself?" Itachi asked the leader. "Because it wouldn't be a mystery. End of story." He replied. "But-" "END. OF. STORY." The leader said, looking at Itachi strait in the eye. "That's not a very wise place to look. Especially if You don't answer my questions…" Itachi said. "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!!!" "AW CRAP!!"

that was the last time we saw the leader in a while…

QUESTION 3

"Leader… How do you get in Akatsuki?" Tobi asked. "Obviously you'd ask that question…" The leader said. "You get into Akatsuki by falling into one of our traps. If we deem you good enough, we let you in, but if we deem you unworthy or worthless, we kill you. That simple." "But… Tobi didn't get into one of your traps." Tobi said. "Well, Zetsu said that you were a 'Good Boy', and brought you home. I feel pretty bad, because it has become your catch phrase." The leader replied. "Well, will Tobi be in Akatsuki soon?" Tobi asked. "Not soon, and I'm not promising anything." The leader said. "Well, how did the other members get in?" Tobi asked again. "The same way its always been…

Mystery Member:

He/She/It found the base and came in. That's all. I'm serious.

Zetsu:

_Ok… I am an official Traveler… that's great- _"OW!!!" Zetsu looked down. He was caught in a bear trap. "WHO PUT THIS HERE!?!?! OH MY GOD!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER-" -faints-

"Hey… I think he's waking up…" Unnamed said. "Well, how's he doing? Oh… that cut looks infected…" The leader said. "I think he's alive… He looks powerful… Welcome to Akatsuki!" "What?" Zetsu said. "You are in the cult 'Akatsuki'. Refuse and we'll have to kill you." The leader replied. "Where's my room!?" Zetsu said, implying that he accepted the forced offer.

Kakuzu:

"Hey, you over there!" The leader called. "Hm? Me?" Kakuzu asked. "I'll pay you $500 if you join our cult." The leader said, holding up the money. "Ok." Kakuzu said, walking over.

Hidan:

The leader put up a sign saying: PLEASE YOUR god!! HUMAN SACRIFICES HERE!!

Of course, Hidan followed the sign.

Sasori:

He was just walking along, making puppets, when all of a sudden he fell through this hole and found himself in Akatsuki.

Orochimaru:

He also found the base, showed the leader some nail polish, said it amplified Jutsus, and he was in. That was all. Then he left.

Deidara:

The leader found him on the street, molding clay, when he came and said, "If you join our cult, you can have as much clay as you want." Deidara popped up from where he was sitting and said, "ART IS A BANG, YEAH!!" Then showed the leader his talent of exploding clay. _Good.. we need a girl in Akatsuki…_ The leader thought. But, he was wrong. Deidara is a guy.

Itachi:

_Ok… Killed entire clan… check… traumatized brother… check… ok… what's nex-woah! _Itachi thought before falling into a hole. He let his guard down and look where it took him: Akatsuki base. That's why he always keeps his guard up, especially when he's alone.

Kisame:

"I was walking through the park one daaaaaay, in the merry merry month… of… May?" Kisame sang while walking through the park. All of a sudden, Puppet arms pulled him into the huge gaping hole leading to Akatsuki.

ME: So that's how Akatsuki came to be, yeah.


	26. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KISAME

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I don't own Naruto, yeah.

Chapter 26: Happy Birthday Kisame!!

"Hey... Kisame... today is your Birthday, right?" Itachi asked. "I told you yesterday, didn't I? You forgot already?" Kisame responded. "Well... how old are you gonna be?" Itachi asked. "...30" Kisame said. "WOAH!! YOU ARE OLD MAN!!" Itachi yelled. "SHUT UP!! 30 IS NOT OLD!!" Kisame yelled back. "WELL IT'S 9 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM!!" Itachi yelled again. Hey were arguing about age. That's a first... "WELL HOW OLD _ARE _YOU!?" Kisame asked. "I'M 20!!" Itachi stated proudly. "That's _10 _years, idiot." Kisame said, calming down. "Well, I'm turning 21 in June, so Nyah!" Itachi said, sticking out his tongue.

"Why are you so depressed, Kisame-san?" Tobi asked. "It's because... on my birthday. Wether they remember or not, they always give me-" Kisame started. "Kisame!! Here's your present, yeah! Here you go, yeah. Open it, open it, yeah!" Deidara chimed walking by. Kisame opened the gift. "... they always get me... a fish bowl." Kisame finished. "If you visit my room, you can see 29 years worth of Fishbowls." "Wow... that's... sad... heh heh..." Tobi said nervously, hiding his gift behind his back. It was another Fishbowl. "T-Tobi'll just go out to get something now...haha!!" Tobi said, walking off towards the exit. "Okay Tobi... see ya." Kisame waved back.

"Happy Birthday, Kisame!" Zetsu said. "It's not another fishbowl, is it?" Kisame asked. "Uh... one sec." Zetsu responded. "TOBI!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!" Zetsu yelled after Tobi. "HURRY UP ZETSU-SAN!!" Tobi yelled back. _Idiots... oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts..._ Kisame thought. He walked down the hall. He hasn't seen anybody in the halls, or in their rooms. _I wonder there everyone is... _Kisame thought. He continued down the hall to find Sasori.

"Hi Kisame!" Sasori said, oddly cheerful than most days of his life. "Hi... Sasori..." Kisame said. "Happy birthday!" Sasori said, giving him his gift. "Thank... you?" Kisame responded, very suspicious. It wasn't _shaped_ like a fishbowl... so he opened it. It was... "A.. Junior puppet-making kit...?" Kisame said. "Yup! Happy Birthday!" Sasori said, walking off. _Thank God that was over, it took all I had to stop myself from killing Kisame for seeing that horrid act..._ Sasori thought.

"Kisame, Happy Birthday!" Kakuzu and Hidan said in unison. "Here's your present" Kakuzu said, giving him his gift. "Money? $10..?" Kisame said, staring at the $10 bill. "I didn't know what to give you, so... yeah." Kakuzu responded. Hidan walked forward. He gave Kisame an ice cooler. "What's this, Hidan?" Kisame asked. "Open it." He replied. "HOLY CRAP!! IT'S A SEVERED HEAD!!" Kisame screamed. "Don't you like it?" Hidan asked. "HIDAN!!! YOU IDIOT!!! YOU DON'T JUST GO AROUND KILLING PEOPLE AND GIVING THEIR HEADS AS GIFTS!!" Kakuzu scolded. "Yes I can, the gods told me to." Hidan said. "BULLCRAP!!" Kakuzu said. They started arguing... again. They left with a final "Happy Birthday" and walked away, arguing about what could've been a better gift for Kisame.

"Kisame... Tobi... got... your present..." Tobi said, panting. "Where's you go? The high school pep rally?" Kisame teased. "No... I ... went... to the... store... to get ... your... present..." Tobi responded. "And then the pep rally... cuz... Tobi...is ... a good boy..." "Tobi... Akatsuki doesn't go to pep rallies and participate, we go there to kill. Oh well, what's done is done." Kisame said. "Well, here's your present!" Tobi said, giving Kisame his present. He opened the present to find... "A remote control?" Kisame asked. "Yeah! Tobi gave you cable!" Tobi responded. "And who's paying for it?" Kisame asked. "Well, it's your cable, so... You!" Tobi cheered. The next thing that Tobi knew was that Kisame was trying to strangle him, but he calmed down. "Thank you, Tobi!" Kisame said.

"Kisame!! Happy Birthday!!" Zetsu said, coming through the door. "Thank you Zetsu..." Kisame said. "What happened?" Zetsu asked. "Tobi gave me cable... and I have to pay for it..." Kisame responded. "Oh... well... here you go!" Zetsu said, handing Kisame the gift. "What is it?" Kisame asked. "Open it!" Kisame opened the box to find... "A... Venus flytrap?" Kisame asked. "Yup!" Zetsu said, proud. "Thanks... I guess." Kisame said, walking off.

"Kisame, the leader requests you in his office." Itachi said. "Ok.." Kisame said. When he entered, the leader said, "Happy Birthday Kisame!" The leader handed him a familiar shaped present. Kisame opened it. "Another fish bowl?" Kisame asked. "And,what's this?" Kisame held up a piece of paper. "Oh, that's a coupon to Johnny's Fish bowl store down the street." The leader responded. That did it. Kisame snapped and was inching closer to the leader with bloodlust in his eyes. "H-hey... Kisame... you're starting to creep me out, haha..." Kisame was ready to kill. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" And that was the last time we saw the leader... again.

Kisame walked down the halls of the nearly empty Akatsuki base. _Where IS everyone? _Kisame thought. He walked to the huge dining hall to find a note taped on the door.

Kisame, meet us in the dining hall at 3:00pm

Akatsuki

Kisame looked at the clock. _It's 2:59... close enough_...Kisame walked through the door

"SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KISAME!!!_"_Everyone yelled. "Wow!! Thanks you guys!!"

"Happy Birthday Kisame, This was a surprise party!" Itachi said. "I didn't get you anything, so I planned the whole thing!" "Thanks man... I don't know what to say!" Kisame said. Everyone was there. All the Genin (for unknown reasons) , Tobi 5, Zitsu, A handful of the fangirls, The nerd at the beginning of the story, The leader (Who died a few minutes ago) and the mystery member, Akamaru (piper), and, the girl from the ring. There were more people, but she killed most of them.

Kisame's party was like another Karaoke night, singing, barfing, drinking, yeah. This is the final OFFICIAL chapter of Kisame's Story, but I'll write the deleted scenes so look forward to that!

_**THE END**_

YEAH.


	27. BLOOPERS!

1**Kisame's First Few Days At Akatsuki**

I do not own Naruto yeah.

B**LO_O_**_P_ER**S**

Random Chapters...

Chapter 6:

In the movie theatre...

SHINO: HINATA I LOVE YOU!!

HINATA: WTF!?

GAARA: (punches Shino)

SHINO: YOU WANNA START SOMETHIN'!?

ME: You guys... calm down...

NEJI: STAY AWAY FROM LADY HINATA!!

SASUKE: CHIDORI!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM)

ME: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

ITACHI: MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!

ME: NO! WAIT, STOP!

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!)

KISAME: ITACHI CALM DOWN!!

ITACHI: LIKE HELL!!

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM)

TOBI: BOOM DARAT DARAT! BOOM DARAT DARAT!!DARARAT DARARAT BOOM BOOM BOOM!

ME: SHUT IT TOBI!!

BUT TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!

ME: I DON'T CARE!!... I am SO not paying for this...

CHAPTER 15:

Girl scouts...

INO: THAT'S MY HAIR!!

DEIDARA: I HAD IT FIRST, YEAH!!

INO: (punches Deidara)

DEIDARA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!

INO: (punches again)

DEIDARA: (punches back)

(Deidara and Ino start fighting)

ME: CUT!! QUIT FIGHTING!!!

SASUKE: (comes out of nowhere) CHIDO- (DROPS DEAD)

ME: What just happened.

ITACHI: He must've used the Chidori another time before now... what a waste of Chakra...

SASUKE: (twitch)

ITACHI: I think he's still alive...

ME: ...

CHAPTER 16:

ME: Okay, here's the new HDTV, don't break it-

SASUKE: CHIDORI!!

ME: WHAT THE HELL!?

ITACHI: NO!! SASUKE WAIT!! THAT'S-

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM)

ME: NOOOOOOOO!! THAT COST ME $500!!! SASUKE YOU IDIOT!!!

KISAME: HOW'D HE GET IN HERE!?

KAKUZU: That was a lot of money...

TOBI: WHO'S SASUKE!?

ME: HE'S THE _IDIOT_ WHO WRECKED THE TV!!

ITACHI: That's abuse of the Chidori...

SASUKE: CHIDORI!!

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM)

ITACHI: Next time you do that in a day, make sure it's not in the morning... You'll wake the neighbors...

SASUKE: (doesn't think straight) CHIDORI!! (drops dead)

ITACHI: Told you...

CHAPTER 8

HINATA: So... Shino...

SHINO: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

GAARA:(tells sand to kill Shino) DIE!!

HINATA: HOLY CRAP!!

KIBA: HEY YOU GUYS I FOUND AKAMARU-

GAARA: (glare)

SHINO: (being squeezed to death)

HINATA: H-hi kiba...

KIBA: did I miss something?

GAARA: (tells sand to go after Kiba)

KIBA: HOLY CRAP!!

SHINO: I'M ALIVE!!

HINATA: ... where did Gaara come from...?

CHAPTER 26:

In the leader's office:

LEADER: Here's your present Kisame!!

KISAME: (takes out Gun and shoots it)

LEADER: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?

KISAME: I use them for target practice... duh.

ME: Kisame... that wasn't how it was supposed to go...

CHAPTER 25:

TOBI: Deidara-senpai... where do babies come from?

DEIDARA: WHAT!? Uh... well, when a mom and dad love eachother VERY much... they start to..., yeah...

TOBI: huh?

Deidara: Tobi, how old are you, yeah?

TOBI: to tell the truth, I'm 16!

DEIDARA: THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW, YEAH!!

TOBI: But I don't.

DEIDARA: Well, anyway, yeah... when the dad does -------- and ----------- with the mom, then the mom waits 9 months for the----- to -----------and when those nine months are over, she goes to the hospital to --------------------------------------------------------------------... That's how and where babies come from.

TOBI: O–O ok... I think I understand now...

DEIDARA: please tell me you do, yeah...


End file.
